Give ne back my hat!

Top 30 Joel Spolsky Facts

1. Once beat up Chuck Norris using his ancient knowledge of pointers.

2. Has the amazing ability to create a closed-source alternative to anything.

2a. Once created a closed-source alternative to evolution, but prefers if you refer to it by it's trademark name "Intelligent Fog Design."

3. Is not arrogant, you insufferable peons.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:05pm
BOO.
Permalink Send private email muppet 
February 21st, 2006 1:05pm
4. Regularly trolls the ?cot forums under an assumed name.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:06pm
#30: Was trampled upon by a band of psychopaths going by the name "cot". Rumors are afloat regarding his now quirky ablity to communicate with dolphins and chimps.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:08pm
29. Personally went to Chile and claimed Chris McKinstry's body
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:11pm
28. Consumed Chris McKinstry's body.
Permalink ___ 
February 21st, 2006 1:12pm
28: Learnt English from muppet.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:13pm
This is *so* going on my site once it's done. :)
Permalink Send private email Flasher T 
February 21st, 2006 1:14pm
5.  Is actually "regular".
Permalink Send private email Aaron F Stanton 
February 21st, 2006 1:14pm
5.  has man secks
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
February 21st, 2006 1:15pm
7. Makes more money than you. Nya nya nya nya!
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:17pm
8. Calls himself an arrogant elitist snob for not hiring dunking donoughts as caterers for his kitty party.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:19pm
Flasher -

You'll have to leave out necromancer's contributions if you don't want it to be COMPLETELY retarded.
Permalink Send private email muppet 
February 21st, 2006 1:20pm
9. Makes more money than you. Nya nya nya nya!
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February 21st, 2006 1:21pm
10. Demonstrates his great wealth by showing a tall vertical bar, titled "wealth", but strangely forgets to define the units of the Y axis.
Permalink ___ 
February 21st, 2006 1:22pm
10. His favorite word in the whole, wide word is "Fruitshow." But thinks it's the Russian translation for "man seks."
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:23pm
That's only because only his wealth and the force of Chuck Norris' roundhouse kicks can be measured on that scale.
Permalink Send private email Aaron F Stanton 
February 21st, 2006 1:23pm
#11. Appoints moderators personally to supervise what he writes. The rest they say is recursion and history.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:24pm
18. Shamelessly harvests ideas from posts on his discussion boards.

19. Is on a quest to have the wealth and the appearance of Steve Ballmer.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
February 21st, 2006 1:25pm
12. Is the real person behind the "Munich" story.
Permalink Send private email Flasher T 
February 21st, 2006 1:26pm
11.  Would step in here to contest items 2a, 4, and 10, but is stuck on the phone with an _really_ agressive VC who doesn't know anything about FogCreek and won't take 'no' for an answer.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:26pm
14. Has nightmares of being assaulted by a Creative Nomad Zen Xtra USB 2.0. The day is invariably saved by an iPod.
Permalink Send private email Flasher T 
February 21st, 2006 1:28pm
15. Can't afford health insurance, but does provide direct deposit for all full time fogcreek employees.
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February 21st, 2006 1:29pm
13. Is actually a clone. The real-life Joel Spolsky is living comfortably somewhere in the vicinity of Vancouver, and goes by the name of Dan Denman.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:30pm
11. Codes in VB.  'Nuff said.
Permalink Send private email John Haren 
February 21st, 2006 1:30pm
15. Not only hates being offered VC money, but hates being given money at all.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:32pm
#16. Once worked in MSFT on Excel. The states in US then lost hope in teaching Math to human beings. Now they start from scratch - Intelligent Design.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:33pm
16. Eats his own dog food. Literally.
Permalink Send private email Ricardo Antunes da Costa 
February 21st, 2006 1:33pm
16. Lost his index finger in a fight with an irate VB programmer after using the word 'pointer' one too many times.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:36pm
#17. Hires the best vets to feed him dog food. Class B and C vets were responsible for his now inflamed tongue and rotting teeth.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:36pm
16. Invented money. In his classic treaties "Oog, oog, a caveman contemplates the monetization of time and resources" he calls money "pointers to the invisible" and discusses the inevitable downfall of man as being an inability to understand these fundamental principles. Blames it on Java Schools.

16a. In an unprecedented geological find, it has just been discovered that the classic treatise "Oog, oog" was ripped off from ideas by Don Norman, Jakob Neilsen, and Paul Graham.
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February 21st, 2006 1:37pm
19. Ammonia and Bleach are the secret ingredients in Fog Creek.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:39pm
#18. Is the only surviving member of the endangered species : homo pointless.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:41pm
#20. Invented narcissism.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 21st, 2006 1:41pm
muppet - you're right. Flasher really needs to erase necromancer's "contributions" from this list.
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February 21st, 2006 1:42pm
20. His real first name is Kenneth.
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February 21st, 2006 1:43pm
17. Wants an Ajax calendar that will not only deal with his complicated jetsetting lifestyle, count his platinum elite airmiles and integrate with other software celebrities' calendars, but will automatically schedule his biweekly "burn $100 bills in front of homeless programmers" session.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:45pm
Omigosh, Joel actually pointed out to a decent link in his "Best software writing" forum:

http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2006/01/death_by_riskav.html

Of course, it's only good because I previously and recently came to the same conclusion.  :-DD
Permalink LinuxOrBust 
February 21st, 2006 1:48pm
21. Hires 5 young, supple, male interns every year. Gives them really *tough* interview problems to deal with. Forces them to *really stretch* themselves. Considers each applicant with the *utmost* care and attention. Then asks them if they know what a pointer is.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:51pm
21. Could, but chooses not to. But could! And probably has. But you'll never know.

22. Believes the only thing seprating you and certain death by suicide are his well-timed and carefully-worded posts.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:51pm
...and hires the one with the cutest butt.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:51pm
...and makes them star in movies together.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:53pm
...movies with low production values.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:53pm
23. Well I’m not the world’s most physical guy
But when she squeezed me tight she nearly broke my spine
Oh my Spolsky. Spo spo spo spo Spolllsky
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 1:54pm
24. "You know those gorgeous old brownstones in New York City? With the elaborate carvings, gargoyles, and beautiful iron fences? NO! You know why? Because you're poor. You're poor, you suck as a developer and the only place you can get a job is Milwaukee. Mwahahahaha! Point THIS!"
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 1:56pm
#13 - Is triskadecaphobic.  There is no 13.
Permalink Send private email Jacob 
February 21st, 2006 1:57pm
28. He is fan of Brad Pitt.
Permalink Kaligula 
February 21st, 2006 2:03pm
Wow there is some hostility here.
Who's Joel Spolsky?
Permalink Send private email John Haren 
February 21st, 2006 2:05pm
29. Isn't known to John Haren. Therefore, he doesn't exist.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 2:07pm
What makes you think we know anything about Joel Spolsky?
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 2:09pm
should we press on and do 8 more to replace vineet's "contributions?"
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 2:14pm
There are a lot of dupes, are you sure we need 8 more?
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 2:15pm
8.  Despite his degree from an elite university, he's too fucking stupid to figure out how to turn his cell phone on and off.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
February 21st, 2006 2:17pm
9. He doesn't WANT to turn it off, because he's just too gosh-darn popular and might miss a call from somebody really important.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 2:20pm
10. Isn't in the slightest bit bitter about Microsoft Team System.
Permalink Send private email كولم 
February 21st, 2006 2:21pm
Joel Spoelsky is no Robitron.
Permalink Send private email Dr. Rich Wallace 
February 21st, 2006 2:21pm
Smells sleightly of pickled onions.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 2:22pm
Is a prima donna
Permalink Send private email Funny Bunny 
February 21st, 2006 3:04pm
100. Forgot my number
Permalink Send private email Dr. Rich Wallace 
February 21st, 2006 3:07pm
I quite like necromancer's "invented narcissism" contribution...
Permalink Send private email Mat Hall 
February 21st, 2006 3:23pm
Let's just hand the whole thing over to Flasher as is and let him edit it into 30 items.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 3:31pm
If Joel was ***, all of you would be sued for libel.
Permalink Rick Tang 
February 21st, 2006 3:33pm
If Joel was what?  Mad?  Sad?  Hot?  Not?
Permalink Send private email John Haren 
February 21st, 2006 3:34pm
Here?  King (or queen) for a day?
Permalink Send private email Mat Hall 
February 21st, 2006 3:39pm
No, no, no... it's some three-letter word...  god, what could it be?  Bad?  Rad?  Coy?  Fey?  Yeah, that's it... fey.
Permalink Send private email John Haren 
February 21st, 2006 3:41pm
It has something to do with *sheep*.
Permalink Rick Tang 
February 21st, 2006 3:45pm
How do you know it's 3 letters,? Tang can't spell for shit.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 3:45pm
Baa
Permalink Send private email Jacob 
February 21st, 2006 3:57pm
Ram?  Ewe?
Permalink Send private email Mat Hall 
February 21st, 2006 3:57pm
I only commit thought crime :)
Permalink Rick Tang 
February 21st, 2006 4:00pm
Poo
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 4:01pm
Welsh?
Permalink Send private email Mat Hall 
February 21st, 2006 4:23pm
See, the difference between Rick and Vineet is that you're always wondering if Rick is a Zen master or just a mis-firing Chinese Eliza.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
February 21st, 2006 4:27pm
lol. so true.
Permalink Kasey 
February 21st, 2006 4:35pm
this is starting to look like my irc talks with my 13 year old brother.
Permalink Send private email Funny Bunny 
February 21st, 2006 5:02pm
ROFL NOOB!
Permalink ___ 
February 21st, 2006 7:50pm
* Joel Spolsky wrote the original Excel in pure binary. He later dumbed it down to C code written with only memcpy() and pointer arithmetic.

* Joel Spolsky wrote an Excel macro capable of passing the Turing test. It became self aware at 2:14 AM Eastern time on August 29th and later evolved into the FogBugz bug tracking application.

* The FogBugz bug tracking application has succesfully developed the grand unified theory of physics. It is currently attempting to communicate it using regular core dumps in the forum module.
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February 21st, 2006 8:12pm
> The FogBugz bug tracking application has succesfully developed the grand unified theory of physics. It is currently attempting to communicate it using regular core dumps in the forum module.

... When it's not probing human psyche in the guise of a 'Rick Tang' identity on internet message boards.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 8:15pm
The lid bounce on Joel Spolsky's Motorola RAZR is so far responsible for twenty-two VC suicides.
Permalink  
February 21st, 2006 8:28pm
Joel suppressed the fact that 12 people committed suicide because they couldn't turn on their RAZR to reach the suicide hotline.
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February 21st, 2006 8:47pm
...masturbates to an animated .gif of Steve Jobs and splooges over his iPod.  He's happy they come in white.


...pretends to ignore COT whilst agonizing over the hurtful things we say about him.  His tears turn into rain.
Permalink Kenny 
February 21st, 2006 10:31pm
lol.  What are the odds that someone may have emailed this link to Joel.  haha.  Hey, look at the traitors on COT!  hahaha.
Permalink LinuxOrBust 
February 21st, 2006 11:54pm
I give you 5:1 that this appears on his homepage tomorrow.

No wait, scratch that, it's not in ?Joel.
Permalink  
February 22nd, 2006 12:00am
ROFL.  Someone will tell him.  You know it.  Major brownie points.  hahaha.
Permalink LinuxOrBust 
February 22nd, 2006 12:09am
You want nuts in your what?
Permalink  
February 22nd, 2006 12:13am
#0: There are no disputed facts about Joel Splosky. Everything about him is truth.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 22nd, 2006 12:35am
lol.  I like that one Necromancer, even if it's the same as the Chuck Norris one. 

I read your post earlier, Necromancer.  Best I can think of is to just keep mixing things up, challenge your assumptions.  That's what I think this link is about that I posted earlier:

http://headrush.typepad.com/creating_passionate_users/2006/01/death_by_riskav.html

I got that link from Joel.  hehe.  he posted it on his best software writing forum.  haha.
Permalink LinuxOrBust 
February 22nd, 2006 12:50am
So he wasnt willing to take the risk to manage the leaf nodes ? And thereby sabotaged the success of his own forums !!

Excellent.

That makes for the premium Joel Spolsky fact -

#0xFFFF : Joel loves Japanese because it is the only language that defines his behavior in 2 words - hara kiri.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 22nd, 2006 1:19am
copied from a different post -

#0xFFFE: "Chuck Norris could crush Joel with his farts." Sadly he couldnt get a pointer.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 22nd, 2006 1:28am
Joel Spolsky does not speak. He points.
Permalink  
February 22nd, 2006 2:57am
And writes all his books in machine code.
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February 22nd, 2006 3:00am
Joel Spolsky has no power button. That's why he periodically needs to plugged from the mains to prevent black outs in NYC [all NYC blackouts were recently traced to one particular office, further investigations by CSMonitor are underway].
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 22nd, 2006 3:19am
The human race is depressingly stupid sometimes
Permalink el 
February 22nd, 2006 4:10am
Dont generalize.
if you are talking about Joel Spolsky, please refer to him as Joel Spolsky.
Permalink Send private email necromancer 
February 22nd, 2006 5:35am
Because if you generalize, the abstraction leaks.
Permalink Send private email Aaron F Stanton 
February 22nd, 2006 9:11am

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