1. I accept that I am under the control of a higher power (Muppet).

heh.  useful stuff.  too bad you dont recognize its truth until.

..after youve had babies...


http://www.thisisby.us/index.php/content/parents_handbook_for_raising_children
Permalink Send private email worldsSmallestViolin 
March 6th, 2007 10:22pm
I love babies.
Permalink 36 y/o childless single female 
March 6th, 2007 10:30pm
What the article said: "The little hard heads of babies will be banged often as the child tests the durability of their skull. Bumps, bruises, and welts are a sign of an adventurous child."

What a commenter read: "The little hard heads of babies should be banged often to test the durability of the skull."

OK, I had my doubts before, but I now think it is impossible to underestimate the stupidity of some members of the human race.
Permalink Send private email bon vivant 
March 6th, 2007 10:40pm
Hilarious!

The comments after were even funnier than the article - people are strange.
Permalink Send private email Ms. zestyZuchini (Or Ms. Wsv?) 
March 6th, 2007 10:42pm
...actually, if you read a little further, the author accepts that it did originally have the word 'should' in there.


oops.

"If you're calling your babies "moron", then you have some serious problems, not the baby. Although, in time, I'm sure they'll grow up to have plenty thanks to you."

I used to call my girls 'my little moronic monkeys' all the time.
Permalink Send private email worldsSmallestViolin 
March 6th, 2007 10:45pm
1) Crying never killed anyone.

Thankfully. Sleep deprivation plus the extremes of emotion brought on by parenthood can bring about some strong negative feelings from time to time: I was shocked the first time I was so angry with one of my kids I felt like hitting her. I thought I was a horrible mother but I've since found out everyone goes through it. The only thing to do is walk away, calm yourself down... and leave them to cry until you have it together. It's better than the alternative.

2) Babies cry to vent frustration, feel free to vent in the same manner.

Oh, I have. So many times.

3) If you hold your baby all the time, you’re only hurting yourself.

It never ceases to amaze me how many people don't get this.

5) Cardboard boxes are cheap and an endless source of entertainment.

As is housework. They get the greatest thrill from 'helping'. Make the most now: I understand it doesn't last.

7) When all is quiet, evil is afoot. Run as silently as possible and peek on the child to ensure their safety. If all body parts are danger-free, silently shuffle away so as not to draw attention to yourself. Don’t ruin a good thing.

I LOL at this one - I can remember my Mum telling me the exact same thing. Word for word.

11) Naptime is a requirement to ensure the sanity of parents. Skip naps at your own risk.

Again, this is just common sense - you'd think. Nap times are *sacred*, dammit.

15) Early bed times are sometimes necessary for the continued health of all parties involved. However, 3:30 PM is a little early. At least wait until it’s dark.

I agree, although sometimes I'd love a 3pm bedtime... not so much for them, but for me!

18) Highchairs make good restraints.

I'd amend that to 'Pushchairs make good restriants'

19) A crib looks like a cage for a reason. When the little monster gets out of control and you want to have it put down, cage it instead.

Excellent advice!

21) Keep your floors clean. Babies prefer meals eaten off the floor.

Although keeping *anything* clean can be a challenge with toddlers...

22) An adult’s food is always better than what the kid is eating. Even if it’s the exact same food. Just as you were taught in kindergarten, share.

Yeah. Eat McDonalds on your own time.

25) Grandparents will love your kids more than you do on occasion. Use that love to get as far away from your kids as possible.

*yes* sometimes it's the parent who needs time out...

27) Unlike dolls, children feel pain.

Watch what you say and how you say it.

28) Let sleeping babies lie.

Of course! Nothing is stupider than interferring with a nap!!!!!

31) Babies will not save your marriage. Babies will make a bad marriage even more difficult. Babies will also test the strength of good marriages. Babies are not for the faint of heart.

The most important one of all. I cringe when I hear people say the opposite.
Permalink Send private email Ms. zestyZuchini (Or Ms. Wsv?) 
March 6th, 2007 11:02pm
yes, good points, almost all of them....
Permalink 24x7 
March 6th, 2007 11:16pm
It must suck to be a parent, you don't know how well you did for a very long time.
Permalink Me 
March 7th, 2007 12:53am
Heh. You'll survive. Even parents of twins survive. Just.
Permalink trollop 
March 7th, 2007 1:00am

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