Sanding our assholes with 150 grit.

family drama

is always so much fun.

My dad turns 60 this year.  The tradition in Hindu families is that we do a religious function when a married male turns 60, which is equivalent to renewing your marriage vows (in Christian terms).  My dad refuses to do this, on grounds that I do not fully understand.  He's an introvert, though, so I imagine that it's mostly that he doesn't want to deal with the hassle.

So what does my mom do?  She decides, "If he won't agree to this function, we should do a surprise party instead!"

A word on surprises.  I take surprises well.  I'd probably enjoy a surprise party, depending on who threw it.  My husband?  He'd be angry.  He HATES surprises.  My dad?  I don't think he likes surprises much, but he's a pretty calm guy overall.  Doesn't normally outright refuse to do things.

Does anyone else think this sounds like an incredibly bad idea?  Perhaps someone can figure out what my mother hopes to get out of this?  Perhaps I can marshall appropriate arguments ahead of time if I had any idea what she might say...
Permalink the great purple 
April 13th, 2007 2:14pm
Surprise as in, "surprise, eat some cake!" or "surprise, you're doing it anyway!"?

Big difference.
Permalink JoC 
April 13th, 2007 2:23pm
mum prolly knows pops better than you do.

Though, my parents are quite divorced so my advice could be rather poor.
Permalink arg! 
April 13th, 2007 2:33pm
>>Perhaps someone can figure out what my mother hopes to get out of this?
Her way, of course.
Permalink LH 
April 13th, 2007 2:38pm
No offense, but maybe he doesn't want to renew his vows.
And throwing a surprise party might instead give him a heart attack.
Permalink Send private email Jack Daniel (as in Jack Daniel) 
April 13th, 2007 2:40pm
Since your dad doesn't care about much, throw a surprise party with the idea it's for everyone else, not him. If he gets into more than though, so much the better. But otherwise, let him sulk and you guys have a good time.
Permalink son of parnas 
April 13th, 2007 3:56pm
Oh, so purple, you are Another Poster? OK.

I guess it's OK. It's really your mom's issue if she wants to do it. Sounds like the last thing they all need is people second guessing their personal decisions. Though you can have subdued enthusiasm for the whole thing and maybe once say "I just know this will all end in tears", but I wouldn't push it at all.

Maybe your dad doesn't want to pay for the whole thing? Maybe he is against tradition for its own sake? How does he do socializing otherwise. When your mom forces him to go to a party, does he still have a good time?
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 13th, 2007 4:29pm
Not much about this on the web but I found this:

http://in.rediff.com/movies/2005/oct/11ab.htm

Q: Your 60th birthday bash is still being talked about.

A: That was because Jaya (Bachchan) thought turning 60 was some kind of a benchmark. She said we've to celebrate it. I said, 'Bhaiyya main kuch nahin karne wala hoon. Aap jahan kahenge main chala jaoonga.'

My family, Amar Singhji and Anil Ambani had organised everything. Hamare Hindu calendar mein 60th year auspicious mana jata hai. I don't know how far it's true. But a man is supposed to grow wise at 60. The 64th birthday is just another day.
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 13th, 2007 4:33pm
JoC: surprise, eat some cake
SoP: yeah, I'm not interested in a party if the guest of honor is going to sulk.
LH: you're probably right. :)

as far as staying out of it, that is the plan.  voice an opinion, and then stay the hell out of it.  it just seems like a bad idea.
Permalink the great purple 
April 13th, 2007 4:45pm
I think it'll happen anyway. There's always this fear that they'll regret it if they don't do it that'll make people do it.  Your father should actually like it once someone sets the ball rolling. Saying no may just be the inertia everyone tends to have.

Even otherwise nowadays with people all caught with work and wrapped up with themselves, this may be an excuse to meet family and friends who won't come together without such an occasion.
Permalink Send private email Senthilnathan N.S. 
April 13th, 2007 4:57pm
> I'm not interested in a party if the guest of honor is going to sulk.

How do you ever have a party for a man then? :-)
Permalink son of parnas 
April 13th, 2007 5:26pm
Mum's right: have the party. Worse case scenario is he sulks. Worse case scenario the other way is that he meant "yes, please" when he said "no, don't bother". (Introverts do that, you know.)
Permalink Send private email strawberry snowflake 
April 13th, 2007 5:35pm
No they don't.
It makes no sense to assume he meant the exact opposite of what he said.  Some people really don't like parites, ya know.  How hard is that to grasp?
Permalink LH 
April 14th, 2007 12:19pm

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