Sanding our assholes with 150 grit. Slowly. Lovingly.

I lost my mind again

I had a temper tantrum today.

I think the spark was the line to wait for the laundry, but that wouldn't normally do it.  I think a week's worth of my upstairs neighbor getting up at 3:30AM every single day, stomping on my head, finally got me, on top of the fact that my HE gets to have sex 2-3 times per week, while my current SO is so involved in finals and her scholarship qualification stuff that I haven't had any for 25 days (I know the days because of a specific reason---not actually counting).
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 8:22pm
Are temper tantrums OK socially? Some coworkers were getting down on me last time I got pissed off and threw something across my office while yelling 'fuck it to hell!', but when they do similar things, it's OK.

And what's in a tantrum for you? What things are ok and fashionable for fits nowadays?
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 22nd, 2007 8:58pm
Hmmm.  Slammed the door a few times so the whole building could hear, shouted FUCK FUCK FUCK really loudly and heard it echo throughout outside.  Threw the cat poo bag onto the trash instead of placing it in the dumpster properly.

I'm sure anyone witnessing thought I was a complete nutter. I am.  I accept that.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 9:19pm
Another argument against monogamy.  SO won't give you what you need, you should be able to get it from your other lover(s).  We're allowed to have more than one friend, more than one hobby, even a second job is OK ... why only one sex partner?
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
April 22nd, 2007 9:21pm
"why only one sex partner"

I have no idea.  I never succumbed to this thinking prior to 1999.  I don't know how I got into this situation where I'm "married".  It just happened.

I don't know if we should have a discussion about it or what.  I've never had this happen before.

Is 25 days abnormal?  For us it is, and for me, this is extreme.

Not sure what to do.

To be honest, I'm thinking she's getting too old for me. Sad to say.

I also think it is time for me to get a new lover.  Harsh.  But reality is I'm young and randy and ready and I'm in my prime.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 9:24pm
> she's getting too old for me.

isn't she college age? like 24? 26 maybe?
Permalink bob 
April 22nd, 2007 9:29pm
> I also think it is time for me to get a new lover.

Wow, it seems like I returned to CoT at just the right moment!
Permalink hello. 
April 22nd, 2007 9:50pm
Only if you completed a sex change operation during your brief absence.
Permalink bob 
April 22nd, 2007 9:51pm
On sharky's blog, the about section says she's bi.
Permalink hello. 
April 22nd, 2007 10:08pm
I don't take men very seriously, though.  I've never lived with a man. 

Relationships are a lot of work.  I would hate starting all over again.  On the other hand, the sex would be great.

I think people know I'm itching.  I am getting "the look" from women and I am starting to wonder if I "look gay" or something.

I was at the grocery store and a man in the next line flirted.  He said "I'm watching you!"  Okay that freaked me out a little.

So I know it isn't my imagination.  People are really looking at me as a potential sex partner.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 10:14pm
"Slammed the door a few times so the whole building could hear, shouted FUCK FUCK FUCK really loudly"

Yeah that all sounds pretty normal to me. I respect people who do this occasionally, though not too often is best, and when they are truly provoked.

A lot of people freak out and make a big deal out of this sort of thing. I just don't get that. Anger is a normal human emotion. People freaked out by it are like the people who get all weird if you mention the word vagina.
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 22nd, 2007 10:44pm
"SO won't give you what you need, you should be able to get it from your other lover"

This is a good question. A lot of people think yes, it's ok to get it elsewhere. I've not done that when I've been in a relationship where I wasn't satisfied, but maybe I should have. Maybe things would be better.
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 22nd, 2007 10:46pm
My laundry still isn't done.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 10:46pm
"Maybe things would be better."

Life is short.  You gotta weigh it and do what you think is best.

I hope we can work this out, but if not, things have to change.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 10:47pm
IOW, I, you, us, we all deserve a relationship where the sex is great, we are loved, and love that person.  Period.  Don't settle for less.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 22nd, 2007 10:48pm
Yeah, I can dig that. My last relationship we got into this thing where sex was this 'thing' that she had to do for me, and then I 'owed' her something. I think that is bullshit. I know she liked it - it's not like I'm lousy in bed, I've got stamina and I am good at prolonged foreplay with light kisses in all the spots, and delicate stroking, and the necessary tongue action. She really liked it. But she had not been 'fully satisfied' in relationships before this and so she developed a behavior pattern of sex being this unpleasant obligation, and even when it was no longer unpleasant, she couldn't break out of that idea that it was something she was tolerating. I think also women raised in religious households are taught this line of thinking - that sex is nasty and the woman has to tolerate it, so that even when it is pleasant, she can't get out of that mindset that it's a job and you owe her afterwards, rather than it being a mutual thing. I couldn't handle that after a couple years and I just stopped answering her calls one day.
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 22nd, 2007 10:54pm
25 days sounds like a long time.

Do you really think the guy in the supermarket isn't supposed to see you as a hetero?

How come women don't seem to act like lesbians, but the guys, gays, do seem much more convincing.  Okay, Ellen Degeneris is convincing, basically, but even with Rosie it seems more like low self-esteem to me.  But that's just my take on it.
Permalink LinuxOrBust 
April 23rd, 2007 2:39am
there's no rule that says that your relationships have to be conventional 1-on-1. The hard part of that is work things so everyone is happy, but if you can do it, it's better. Many couples get along fine, but have mismatched sex drives. Anyhow, who the hell says you can go the rest of your life only wanting to screw one person anyhow? Realistic. Not.
Permalink $-- 
April 23rd, 2007 3:23am
Bob:  Sharky's SO is indeed going to college, but she's 48 years old.  Hence "maybe she's too old for me."

Nah.  I'm 48 too and I've never been more into sex than I am now.  Maybe that will change after menopause, but so far so good.  Unfortunately the opportunities aren't there the way they used to be, so you have to work at it.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
April 23rd, 2007 4:12am
Everyone is different. some people stay horndogs all their life, some don't. Relationships have to allow for that.
Permalink $-- 
April 23rd, 2007 4:52am
I doubt that her getting older is the problem, it's more likely that she's reverting back to her normal level of sexual activity - most people go wild in the first stages of a relationship but then slowly revert to whatever is normal for them.
Permalink Billx 
April 23rd, 2007 11:36am
++ for polyamoury.

I'm am now a solid convert, especially after reading The Ethical Slut.
Permalink Send private email Tapiwa 
April 23rd, 2007 11:57am
> especially after reading The Ethical Slut.

What's the gist of the book? What's the main argument they put forward for polyamoury?
Permalink Send private email Senthilnathan N.S. 
April 23rd, 2007 1:40pm
a. that sex is not love
b. that we have the capacity to love more than one person
c. that loving another is not taking from anyone else. (your love for your each siblings does not decrease as their numbers increas)
d. that it is different for everyone or every couple
e. that when polyamorous relationships fail, people use that as an excuse to point out that polyamory does not work, yet do not say the same when traditions relationships fail
f. That it really is about honesty and communication

Written by two women too.
Permalink Send private email Tapiwa 
April 23rd, 2007 1:49pm
Thanks for the summary.

Do two people who are polyamourous get married? I am not sure if this question even makes sense. But are there people who live like that?
Permalink Send private email Senthilnathan N.S. 
April 23rd, 2007 1:58pm
Yes. This used to be called swinging, now its called polyamoury. It's very popular among college educated professionals, I'd say 20% of these who are married swing. It's very valuable in terms of social networking and career opportunities. Share your wife with your boss and next thing you know you're first in line for a promotion or recommendation.
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 23rd, 2007 2:11pm
It's called an open marriage.  I can't personally see the point myself, sounds a lot like borrowing trouble, but maybe it works for some people.  It's not a new concept, by the way.  I've found references going back to at least the 1950s.
Permalink Send private email Clay Dowling 
April 23rd, 2007 2:14pm
polyamoury is fine in theory. In practise, like most relationships, there is often a winner and a loser(s)
Permalink Billx 
April 23rd, 2007 2:21pm
"This used to be called swinging, now its called polyamoury."

uh, no. Swinging is when you go to a party for the purposes of having sex in public, sex with (multiple) strangers, or voyeurism.

Polyamory is when you actually have long term loving relationships with more than one person. And they both know.

They are only similar in the most surface of ways.
Permalink $-- 
April 23rd, 2007 4:24pm
An open marriage is a bit different too, though also similar. An open marriage implies that for one or both partners, there are no limits. Polyamorous relationships can and usually do have a comittment to faithfulness, to one or more partners.
Permalink $-- 
April 23rd, 2007 4:26pm
> In practise, like most relationships, there is often a winner and a loser(s)

Really? This is not stable state. It's like saying that when you go to the grocer and buy an orange one party is a loser and one is a winner (which one is which?). In relationshps the trade is less one-dimensional but if it's uneven at least one party feels it.
Permalink strawberry beeswax 
April 23rd, 2007 9:59pm
Of coure it's not stable - that's why they break down so often.
Permalink Billx 
April 24th, 2007 2:49am
> that we have the capacity to love more than one person

Yes you do. It's chemical (dopamine, oxytocin, etc). But that doesn't mean other people will put up with it.
Permalink son of parnas 
April 24th, 2007 10:50am
Well, its all good now. "I can see again!" (random quote from the film, Bound).
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 24th, 2007 2:20pm

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