I'd rather get punched in the face than have my spouse refuse to talk to me because I wouldn't let my mother in-law slice the Beef Wellington I made for dinner last night because god damnit it's MY HOUSE and I'M THE HOST.

I watched this go down at a family occasion and after getting silent treatment the whole night, the husband flipped his shit and stormed out of the house.  The wife's mother said "oh my I get so scared when he gets abusive like that" and I was like WTF? Silent treatment is equally as abusive as screaming at someone, and IMO moreso because it's covertly aggressive.

Sounds like your family takes all the fun out of "dysfunctional".

Geez, it's a piece of meat.  Move on with your lives.

Are you kidding me?  It was the most fun I've had all month.

It sounds like my ex-marriage (except for the silent treatment part; I'm not like that).

My husband and mother were in a constant power struggle.  I was always listening to one of them complain about something the other one did.  When we split, he said that the best part of the divorce was getting rid of her.

One of his pet peeves was that Mom would show up with a trunkful of used items that she "thought we might need".  Husband took this as a criticism that he wasn't providing enough stuff, and he asked her repeatedly to stop bringing it.  He earned a nice income and we had a nice house.  I didn't want the stuff either but for the sake of keeping the peace was willing to just quietly throw it out after she left.

One time she brought an old lamp because she claimed that the guest room was too dark.  My husband told her to take it back home with her when she left.  She was terribly insulted, but she took it home.

Next visit, she shows up with the same lamp AGAIN and tried to sneak it into the guest room, and the shit hit the fan.  Husband took the lamp out to the garage, got a baseball bat, and pulverized it.  He isn't normally a violent man.

Mom cried.  Husband raged.  I prayed to be miraculously transported into another family.

She still brings stuff when she visits.  Not as much, though.  Sigh.

Mother-daughter relationships are weird. A dad would never (rarely) do that. Likewise a mom bring her son stuff would be criticized for her style rather than the substance of her contributions.

> Mom cried.  Husband raged.  I prayed to be miraculously transported into another family.

The key to a healthy marriage is a murder-pact with your spouse that if your family should die mysteriously while you are away on business, the other's will also die mysteriously while the other is away sometime.

"One of his pet peeves was that Mom would show up with a trunkful of used items that she "thought we might need"."

For me that would be a non-argument/issue, same w/the lamp.  You would be in charge of the trunk, but that's it.  Just saying, for some perspective.

Jeez guys, don't be so trivial

Dana, your ex-husband and your mom could've handled their dispute in a more adult-like manner: they could've stripped naked, oiled up their bodies, and then engage in a wrestling match to the death. (Or at least until someone was rendered unconscious).

Just my 2 cents.

"The Silent Treatment" probably should be consider spousal abuse.

Verbal raging against it should be considered sel-defense.

Sadly, neither is well understood.

"they could've stripped naked, oiled up their bodies, and then engage in a wrestling match to the death."

You obviously haven't met my mother.  He would have snapped her like a twig.

It's an extremely common dynamic in relationships for the female to do some such passive-aggressive shit to tweak with the guy and when he finally says "Fuck it, I'm off to the pub." the woman says "Oooh, see everyone, it's just like I said - he's an angry abuser!" I agree with Bolton that if there is abuse here, the woman is the instigator.

>> One of his pet peeves was that Mom would show up with a trunkful of used items that she "thought we might need" <<

This is pre-eBay, I assume?

Because he should have looked on it as an opportunity for income.

Pre eBay, yes it was.  But even if that stuff was worth anything, which most of it wasn't, the hassle of selling it wasn't worth the paltry profit.

Mom actually wants to sell some of her stuff on eBay, but she refuses to learn to work the computer ...

(Silently abusing all of you.)

PE hates women.

A misogynist AND a Republican! What else? Christian fundamentalist? Radical muslim? Member of the Panthers?

.

And there are politicians and religious nuts who are actually espousing the family as something to be cherished. Jeez!

Healthy families :)

Oh, and John Gottman would certainly say so.