Sanding our assholes with 150 grit.

Is "silent treatment" considered spousal abuse?

I'd rather get punched in the face than have my spouse refuse to talk to me because I wouldn't let my mother in-law slice the Beef Wellington I made for dinner last night because god damnit it's MY HOUSE and I'M THE HOST.

I watched this go down at a family occasion and after getting silent treatment the whole night, the husband flipped his shit and stormed out of the house.  The wife's mother said "oh my I get so scared when he gets abusive like that" and I was like WTF? Silent treatment is equally as abusive as screaming at someone, and IMO moreso because it's covertly aggressive.
Permalink Michael B 
April 29th, 2007 2:58pm
Sounds like your family takes all the fun out of "dysfunctional".

Geez, it's a piece of meat.  Move on with your lives.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
April 29th, 2007 3:00pm
Are you kidding me?  It was the most fun I've had all month.
Permalink Michael B 
April 29th, 2007 3:04pm
It sounds like my ex-marriage (except for the silent treatment part; I'm not like that).

My husband and mother were in a constant power struggle.  I was always listening to one of them complain about something the other one did.  When we split, he said that the best part of the divorce was getting rid of her.

One of his pet peeves was that Mom would show up with a trunkful of used items that she "thought we might need".  Husband took this as a criticism that he wasn't providing enough stuff, and he asked her repeatedly to stop bringing it.  He earned a nice income and we had a nice house.  I didn't want the stuff either but for the sake of keeping the peace was willing to just quietly throw it out after she left.

One time she brought an old lamp because she claimed that the guest room was too dark.  My husband told her to take it back home with her when she left.  She was terribly insulted, but she took it home.

Next visit, she shows up with the same lamp AGAIN and tried to sneak it into the guest room, and the shit hit the fan.  Husband took the lamp out to the garage, got a baseball bat, and pulverized it.  He isn't normally a violent man.

Mom cried.  Husband raged.  I prayed to be miraculously transported into another family.

She still brings stuff when she visits.  Not as much, though.  Sigh.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
April 29th, 2007 3:13pm
Mother-daughter relationships are weird. A dad would never (rarely) do that. Likewise a mom bring her son stuff would be criticized for her style rather than the substance of her contributions.
Permalink strawberry beeswax 
April 29th, 2007 3:22pm
> Mom cried.  Husband raged.  I prayed to be miraculously transported into another family.

The key to a healthy marriage is a murder-pact with your spouse that if your family should die mysteriously while you are away on business, the other's will also die mysteriously while the other is away sometime.
Permalink Michael B 
April 29th, 2007 3:33pm
"One of his pet peeves was that Mom would show up with a trunkful of used items that she "thought we might need"."

For me that would be a non-argument/issue, same w/the lamp.  You would be in charge of the trunk, but that's it.  Just saying, for some perspective.
Permalink Send private email LinuxOrBust 
April 29th, 2007 3:49pm
Jeez guys, don't be so trivial
Permalink Billx 
April 29th, 2007 4:02pm
Dana, your ex-husband and your mom could've handled their dispute in a more adult-like manner: they could've stripped naked, oiled up their bodies, and then engage in a wrestling match to the death. (Or at least until someone was rendered unconscious).

Just my 2 cents.
Permalink About to have a late lunch 
April 29th, 2007 4:03pm
"The Silent Treatment" probably should be consider spousal abuse.

Verbal raging against it should be considered sel-defense.

Sadly, neither is well understood.
Permalink SaveTheHubble 
April 29th, 2007 4:03pm
"they could've stripped naked, oiled up their bodies, and then engage in a wrestling match to the death."

You obviously haven't met my mother.  He would have snapped her like a twig.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
April 29th, 2007 4:05pm
It's an extremely common dynamic in relationships for the female to do some such passive-aggressive shit to tweak with the guy and when he finally says "Fuck it, I'm off to the pub." the woman says "Oooh, see everyone, it's just like I said - he's an angry abuser!" I agree with Bolton that if there is abuse here, the woman is the instigator.
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 29th, 2007 4:44pm
>> One of his pet peeves was that Mom would show up with a trunkful of used items that she "thought we might need" <<

This is pre-eBay, I assume?

Because he should have looked on it as an opportunity for income.
Permalink xampl 
April 29th, 2007 4:50pm
Pre eBay, yes it was.  But even if that stuff was worth anything, which most of it wasn't, the hassle of selling it wasn't worth the paltry profit.

Mom actually wants to sell some of her stuff on eBay, but she refuses to learn to work the computer ...
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
April 29th, 2007 5:04pm
(Silently abusing all of you.)
Permalink blahty sheepheart 
April 29th, 2007 5:58pm
PE hates women.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
April 29th, 2007 9:22pm
A misogynist AND a Republican! What else? Christian fundamentalist? Radical muslim? Member of the Panthers?
Permalink Practical Economist 
April 29th, 2007 10:10pm
.
Permalink Anonymous Aussie 
April 30th, 2007 6:35am
And there are politicians and religious nuts who are actually espousing the family as something to be cherished. Jeez!
Permalink Send private email Stephen Jones 
April 30th, 2007 6:00pm
Healthy families :)
Permalink Send private email Rick Zeng/Tseng 
April 30th, 2007 6:04pm
Oh, and John Gottman would certainly say so.
Permalink SaveTheHubble 
May 1st, 2007 5:32pm

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