Nobody likes to be called a dummy by a dummy.

Neil Hamburger

I saw Neil Hamburger perform tonight. His schtick is that he tells really awful, unfunny, sick jokes, gets booed at, and then curses the audience. Apparently he's a 38 year old former punk rocker, who decided to do an Andy Kaufmann-esque "performance art" comedy routine. The pacing is purposely off, he continually coughs into his microphone, forgets what he is doing mid-joke, and so forth. He wears an old rumpled tuxedo, huge out of style glasses, and styles his hair in a disgusting bald guy comb over, in order to make himself look much older than he really is.

Example joke:

"What do you call a senior citizen who can't refrain from exposing their genitalia in public?"

"Madonna"

Sadly, as it reflects poorly on my character, I found his act very funny when I saw it in person. The youtube videos I watched made me cringe.

(ps: youtube search for "neil hamburger" for an idea of what it was all about)
Permalink hello. 
July 15th, 2007 6:26am
that's not bad!

Here's one that got in my inbox recently (read Walmart for Tesco, and Winalot is a very popular dog biscuit, yanks ... :)

"Story by a Man standing in a queue in Tesco's.........

I have 2 dogs & I was buying a large bag of Winalot in Tesco and was standing in the queue at the till. A woman behind me asked if I had a dog.

On impulse, I told her that no, I was starting The Winalot Diet again, although I probably shouldn't because I'd ended up in the hospital last time, but that I'd lost 50 pounds before I awakened in an intensive care ward with tubes coming out of most of my orifices and IVs in both arms.

I told her that it was essentially a perfect diet and the way that it works is to load your trouser pockets with Winalot nuggets and simply eat one or two every time you feel hungry & that the food is nutritionally complete so I was going to try it again.

I have to mention here that practically everyone in the queue was by now enthralled with my story, particularly a guy who was behind her.

Horrified, she asked if I'd ended up in the hospital in that condition because I had been poisoned. I told her no, it was because I'd been sitting in the road licking my balls and a car hit me.

I thought one guy was going to have a heart attack he was laughing so hard as he staggered out the door.

Stupid cow..........why else would I buy dog food??"
Permalink $-- 
July 15th, 2007 10:09am

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