I refuse to use the bathroom with other people in it.  eg if there are 8 stalls, I refuse to the use the bathroom if one person is in there.  So basically, at work if there are people in the bathroom I leave.  If people enter while I am using the bathroom I wait till everyone leaves.

Strange, huh?

Another one; I hate eating with people.  If I date (which is rare these days).  I normally will just get an appetizer, drink or something light.  I hate seeing people eating and I hate people seeing me eat.

It's not really a big surprise nor even news that you're completely fucked up.

What are you going to do about it?

you're not the first hermit the world has ever seen.

what's interesting to note is that in today's world, you can live like a hermit despite working a regular day shift.

"It's not really a big surprise nor even news that you're completely fucked up."

I am not f**ked up.  People are.

I dont want to sit next to some dude while he is releasing all kind of fumes, waste.  Drives me nuts the thought of it.  And then comes up, "How is going pal", "F**k off buddy, I say"

And eating, if I catch a glimpse of you munching down on a steak or something.  That is it, I am throwing up.  Especially, women.

Sure, I have to eat with people, job, etc, etc.  But I keep it to a minimum.

why is it gross to see women, especially, eat?

No, you are fucked up.  Eating and shitting are both very normal human things.  Did you grow up in a sanitized white room?

I can't stand it when people talk in the morning when I first wake up.

While you may not be f-ed up, it IS your problem.  Part of being human is that we 'go to the bathroom'.  For you to object to somebody else 'going to the bathroom' next to you does seem a bit squeamish.

It may not actually be a "problem" in the Mike Griffin sense of the word -- there's lots of empty bathrooms in America, after all.  Nobody is REQUIRED to eliminate next to somebody else.

Don't join the military, though.  Again, probably not a problem for you.

I'd think the "eating" thing would be more limiting socially.

I don't know.  May disgusting was the wrong word on eating.  But dysfunctional and can be a waste of time.  For example, the purpose of food is to provide our bodies with nutrients.  Somehow, we have built a whole culture around eating.  "What do you want to do?" "Do you want to go out and eat?".  I hate when people eat too slow or too fast.  Don't give me enough time to eat.  The whole thing throws me off.  Here is my deal, normally for example lunch and I eat alone.  I relax, get into a zone and just allow my food to digest and I am done.

I am weird.

I guess it's a matter of practicality. if one is spending an hour each day *waiting* to use the bathroom, that can be problematic. or if one's social and professional life is being thwarted by the eating aversions, etc.

these are the kinds of things cognitive behavioral therapy could possibly alleviate quite quickly (a few months). but one must want it, and not defend one's quirks as personality-defining.

"if one is spending an hour each day *waiting* to use the bathroom,"

It isnt a hour, more like if a bunch of people are in there, I may hold off till the next round (when I need to go).

If there are people in there while I am in, I may wait a bit till it is cleared out and I can wash my hands in solitude.

What is the issue, at our homes we go to the bathroom alone.

Yes, the purpose of food is to provide nutrients for our bodies.  However, the purpose of "going out to eat together" is to provide a congenial atmosphere for people to dine together.  To talk, to share their day, to inform or entertain each other.  To bond, to gain a deeper knowledge of each other, to be social animals. 

In some instances it can even allow us to gain deeper insights and caring and even love for another, and they for us.  All from sharing food together and communicating.

So what I'm saying is if you can't overcome this OCD compulsion of not eating with others, and you can't understand what the value IS regarding eating with others, you seem to me to be cutting yourself off from much that is valuable about being human.

Your mileage may vary, of course.

"So what I'm saying is if you can't overcome this OCD compulsion of not eating with others, and you can't understand what the value IS regarding eating with others, you seem to me to be cutting yourself off from much that is valuable about being human"

I don't disagree with you, and I am not saying I "won't" do it, I am just saying I prefer not to.

I replaced that with drinking which is also a little bit dysfunctional (eg, lets go to the bar) but at least you can have a good drink, see somebody make a fool of themselves.

Ah, well if that's true, it doesn't seem like a problem for you.

Unless you want to date somebody who doesn't drink alcohol.  In that case, I find tea and coffee an acceptable substitute.

Also, could be a family thing.  We never, never ate together as a family (at home).  And mom didnt really cook.  It is a free for all, you are on your own.

My dad was kind of a "go out to eat kind of guy on the weekend", but I didnt really dig that too much.

practicality trumps everything else. if it's only five minutes a day waiting to use the john, it's not a big sacrifice.


> Somehow, we have built a whole culture around eating.

one reason, it's because we're omnivores and we use culture, written or spoken, mediated or direct, to tell us what to eat. Koala bears and cats don't look to each other for directions on what to eat.

another reason is that big game hunting required not only social groups acting in coordination to be successful, but before the invention of salting, fermenting and refridgeration, meant sharing and eating collectively (and picking up the tab), publicly.

I had a boyfriend who wouldn't go to the bathroom if anyone was in the house.  Didn't use public facilities when anyone was in the stalls, same as you, Bot.

He is an obsessive control freak. When riding in a taxi, he won't tell the driver where he is going:  he gives turn by turn instructions and if the cabbie protests, he gets out.

His canned food was lined up alphabetically with the labels facing front.  His pocket protector had the pens lined up by color and height. 

He is a brilliant man, a doctor, who just happens to be black.  He put "Dr" on every credit card and ID so when he gets harassed, the person harassing will be embarrassed.

My opinion is that smart black men have issues---big issues that manifest as OCD and controlling behaviors.  Why bring up color?  Because I think it is related, that's why. Protest if you will.  Whatever.

And since we are on the subject.  My other pet peave is working on the computer around people.  I dont mind cubes, but if the computers are close to each other and somebody is on them like in a lab.  I can't handle that.  If the computers are facing each other and people are starting at you.  I go nuts.

and in particular, Bot, your denial of the issues you face is manifesting itself in your behavior.

Bot, you are FUCKED UP.  Wow.

"Bot, you are FUCKED UP.  Wow."

Shrug, it gets worse.  As I went to lunch today.  I was thinking back to my past.

When I was in middleschool/highschool (went to 3.5 HSs), in the HSs that had cafeterias I would not eat with the others.  Wouldnt do it.  Which sometimes meant I wouldnt eat at all.  I used to go to the library.  I hated the conversations and like I said hated eating in front of people.

Sometimes when I was starving from during the week, I might sneak chips into the library and eat out of my bag.

Ironically, I was actually kind of popular in a geeky kind of way.  Band, football, track, academics.

It's not OCD.

More like a phobia.

More like he had some weird S&M shit going on with his parents that he hasn't gotten into on this forum yet.

Seriously, Bot, I think you should get help.

"Seriously, Bot, I think you should get help."

Help for what, liking to eat alone.  Dont think that is a disease.

No, it's not just liking to eat alone.  It's the weird badly hidden contempt you have for people.  Their eating, their excreting, their staring at you...

You sound like a serial killer in the making.  Seriously.  I'm not just trying to be outrageous.

Watch Curb your enthusiasm, Larry David, I have a lot in common with this jewish guy.  I so relate.

I don't "not like" people.  It is more of a, I would rather do things my own comical way.

It's not a disease, but enough of these "preferences" will separate you from meaningful personal contact and the possibility of a long term relationship.  I don't know too many women who would like living with a man who refused to eat with them.

"I hate seeing people eating and I hate people seeing me eat."

No one asks you to look at people chewing their food.

And no one cares that much about you to watch you eat.

"You sound like a serial killer in the making.  Seriously.  I'm not just trying to be outrageous."

I have said this exact same thing on this board about Bot.

My ex-boyfriend is definitely in that category.  He has told me stories about people that involve murder.  I often suspected my ex actually participated.

Gosh, from OCD to murder in 12 posts.  We really are "Crazy On Tap".

Hmm, I wish I were lying.  Yea, that is it.  I have lied up to this point.

Nope, too late to say that.  Now they'll just think your lies about your OCD are to cover up for some even more disturbing behavior.

*I* think you're alright.  I also think the love of a good woman would convince you there ARE useful times to eat with another person.

"I have lied up to this point."

You haven't lied. You just avoided the topic, which is ok.

Now people think you have a problem. Deal with it. We can shut up about it, but we like you enough to raise our concerns.

ok, OCD attack coming on.  I am doing absolutely nothing because our project(s) are done for the summer.  Kind of going nuts trying to figure out what to do.  So I am looking at some code and retyping it up to look busy.