Reconciling assholes for nearly a decade.

here we go

The cousins are having a 40th birthday celebration to which I have been cordially invited.

It begins now, with all my peeps comin' out the woodwork, tellin' me how OOOOLD I am and ain't it something how time flies.

OY VEY! 

They are probably going to serve pop and chicken wings, but I have to RSVP. WTF.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
July 31st, 2007 8:45pm
This is the stuff my parents suffered through when I was a kid and I saw it and I recall thnking and saying "Please never let me go through such craziness where everybody stands around eating and getting drunk talking about the old days and how OLD we are!"

And. Here. It. Is.  Feh.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
July 31st, 2007 8:47pm
Bring the SO.  That should spice things up.
Permalink Aaron 
July 31st, 2007 8:51pm
Uh, don't go?
Permalink Send private email Colm 
July 31st, 2007 8:55pm
It doesn't really work that way, Colm.

Unless I want to hear about it, endlessly, at EVERY other family occasion for the rest of my life.

I tried that move over a decade ago when I went to New Orleans to party--but didn't visit my Uncle John and cousins.  Wouldn'tcha know at every funeral we spend a half hour, at least, discussing what on earth was going on in my head back in 1994 that I couldn't stop partying and spend a couple days with the family.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
July 31st, 2007 8:59pm
Engineer an excuse then. One that doesn't involve partying.
Permalink Send private email Colm 
July 31st, 2007 9:14pm
It's just one day...
Permalink Rick Zeng 
July 31st, 2007 9:15pm
Ooops. Your fat head bumped into my deltoids of steel.

Oh, hi, Uncle Phil.
Permalink young people have no imagination 
July 31st, 2007 9:26pm
Pretend you're not you.  "Oh, sharky?  Yeah, she couldn't make it, but she sent me instead."

WAIT A MINUTE.  Don't you know someone who kinda looks like you?  Send *her*.

That would be hilarious.
Permalink Aaron 
July 31st, 2007 9:58pm
One of the best episodes of Taxi: Louie's reunion is coming up, but he's embarrased to go, so Bobby goes in his place, since no-one's seen Louie for years.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
July 31st, 2007 10:01pm
Don't bring the SO, bring three or four guys (or a mix of men and women) and tell them you're married to all of them.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
July 31st, 2007 10:02pm
Or, taking an idea from the other thread:

Hire a whole bunch of kids of various ages and claim that they're all yours.

Lots of good variations available... get them all white white white and claim that they were the best looking orphans available for adoption.  Get them in all sorts of races and claim that you gave birth to them all as a surrogate mom, but then you wouldn't give them up.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
July 31st, 2007 10:21pm
Ward, you seem to have personal experience.  Perhaps you have such a family member(s)?
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
July 31st, 2007 10:23pm
Oh, I could never do these things, but I'd be keen to see someone else do them...  My family is pathetically small, and most of them on my side I don't see.  My wife's family is small, too, and the ones we see are all nice.
Permalink Send private email Ward 
July 31st, 2007 10:27pm
Well, it's hear about the SO, or hear about "Why ain't you married yet, don't you want babies?

Though the "baby" question is pretty common, every unmarried woman over the age of 18 or so gets that.  24 if you went to college.
Permalink SaveTheHubble 
August 1st, 2007 8:18am
Bring the SO.  Either be yourself, or don't go at all.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
August 1st, 2007 11:17am
Careful AG, after all, they're not YOUR family.  "Be yourself, no matter what" is wonderful advice, until it gets you completely cut off from a family that can't accept some part of you.

I'm not saying it's bad advice, just that sometimes in some circumstances it must be very carefully applied.
Permalink SaveTheHubble 
August 1st, 2007 11:43am
Funny, I didn't even think about the "hey you're over 40,no kids, not married.  Are you a HOMO!" question.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
August 1st, 2007 12:00pm
If my family would cut me off for being gay, then I'd never want to see them again anyway.

Either they love me, or they don't.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
August 1st, 2007 12:14pm
Hubble, you have no idea how soul-killing it is to go to a family event and have to pretend to be something you're not.

Imagine going somewhere and you couldn't tell them that you had a wife and child, and when they asked about your personal life, you had to lie and pretend you were single.  Imagine that.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
August 1st, 2007 12:16pm
And at this gathering, that lie is the one I'd have to tell or my mother would be sooooo embarrassed.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
August 1st, 2007 12:36pm
how depressing.  bleh.
Permalink Send private email sharkfish 
August 1st, 2007 12:36pm
Your mother's embarrassment is her own issue, not yours.

How does your SO feel about being left out?  That would bother the crap out of me.
Permalink AMerrickanGirl 
August 1st, 2007 12:48pm

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