The cousins are having a 40th birthday celebration to which I have been cordially invited.

It begins now, with all my peeps comin' out the woodwork, tellin' me how OOOOLD I am and ain't it something how time flies.

OY VEY! 

They are probably going to serve pop and chicken wings, but I have to RSVP. WTF.

This is the stuff my parents suffered through when I was a kid and I saw it and I recall thnking and saying "Please never let me go through such craziness where everybody stands around eating and getting drunk talking about the old days and how OLD we are!"

And. Here. It. Is.  Feh.

Bring the SO.  That should spice things up.

Uh, don't go?

It doesn't really work that way, Colm.

Unless I want to hear about it, endlessly, at EVERY other family occasion for the rest of my life.

I tried that move over a decade ago when I went to New Orleans to party--but didn't visit my Uncle John and cousins.  Wouldn'tcha know at every funeral we spend a half hour, at least, discussing what on earth was going on in my head back in 1994 that I couldn't stop partying and spend a couple days with the family.

Engineer an excuse then. One that doesn't involve partying.

It's just one day...

Ooops. Your fat head bumped into my deltoids of steel.

Oh, hi, Uncle Phil.

Pretend you're not you.  "Oh, sharky?  Yeah, she couldn't make it, but she sent me instead."

WAIT A MINUTE.  Don't you know someone who kinda looks like you?  Send *her*.

That would be hilarious.

One of the best episodes of Taxi: Louie's reunion is coming up, but he's embarrased to go, so Bobby goes in his place, since no-one's seen Louie for years.

Don't bring the SO, bring three or four guys (or a mix of men and women) and tell them you're married to all of them.

Or, taking an idea from the other thread:

Hire a whole bunch of kids of various ages and claim that they're all yours.

Lots of good variations available... get them all white white white and claim that they were the best looking orphans available for adoption.  Get them in all sorts of races and claim that you gave birth to them all as a surrogate mom, but then you wouldn't give them up.

Ward, you seem to have personal experience.  Perhaps you have such a family member(s)?

Oh, I could never do these things, but I'd be keen to see someone else do them...  My family is pathetically small, and most of them on my side I don't see.  My wife's family is small, too, and the ones we see are all nice.

Well, it's hear about the SO, or hear about "Why ain't you married yet, don't you want babies?

Though the "baby" question is pretty common, every unmarried woman over the age of 18 or so gets that.  24 if you went to college.

Bring the SO.  Either be yourself, or don't go at all.

Careful AG, after all, they're not YOUR family.  "Be yourself, no matter what" is wonderful advice, until it gets you completely cut off from a family that can't accept some part of you.

I'm not saying it's bad advice, just that sometimes in some circumstances it must be very carefully applied.

Funny, I didn't even think about the "hey you're over 40,no kids, not married.  Are you a HOMO!" question.

If my family would cut me off for being gay, then I'd never want to see them again anyway.

Either they love me, or they don't.

Hubble, you have no idea how soul-killing it is to go to a family event and have to pretend to be something you're not.

Imagine going somewhere and you couldn't tell them that you had a wife and child, and when they asked about your personal life, you had to lie and pretend you were single.  Imagine that.

And at this gathering, that lie is the one I'd have to tell or my mother would be sooooo embarrassed.

how depressing.  bleh.

Your mother's embarrassment is her own issue, not yours.

How does your SO feel about being left out?  That would bother the crap out of me.