Sanding our assholes with 150 grit. Slowly. Lovingly.

whoops. I won the lottery

Now I've got to talk to a lawyer on Monday about paying off the mortgage on the house I just bought. I hate lawyers. I just ran through the phone book and found the first guy who listed Real Estate in his ad, because, I mean, really.

And, as it turns out, I never had Crohn's disease at all. It's an allergy to polyester. All I have to do is stay away from synthetic fibers and things will be perfectly normal. This means I have to spend a good chunk of my lottery winnings on silk and cotton clothing. In order to get pure fabrics in the right styles I'll probably have to get most things custom tailored.

My grandmother called me last night to tell me she's leaving me her entire estate because she has decided that her children don't deserve any of it, least of all my meddling aunt Kathryn who has been trying to spend her entire inheritance (and everyone else's) before my grandmother is even dead.

And last night my fiance brought home two hot girlfriends and they all gave me serial blowjobs and insisted that I not service them in return. They brought me slippers and a hot mocha afterward and sat on the couch with me to watch anime naked.

Disneyworld called me and they want me to design their next-generation theme park sited in the Bahamas. On top of the exorbitant contract, I'll be featured as the newest cartoon character and plastered all over the merchandise along with my new cartoon sidekick, Kermit the Frog.

My question is, what do I do? Has anyone ever been in this situation before?
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 13th, 2006
The next time someone sends you some magic beans postmarked Chile - just say no...
Permalink a cynic writes... 
January 13th, 2006
Change your LSD vendor - it's not acid that you had...
Permalink ping? 
January 13th, 2006
Oh, man, it sucks to be you. Maybe one of these days your life will finally take a turn for the better and your fiance will bring home two hot _virgins_ for serial blowjobs. That would be some good news for a change.
Permalink Ward Bush 
January 13th, 2006
Dream big, dude, dream big.
Permalink AllanL5 
January 13th, 2006
Suicide, is painless.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
January 13th, 2006
It's obvious that you need to dump your girlfriend(s).
Permalink Colm O'Connor 
January 13th, 2006

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

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