Reconciling assholes for nearly a decade.

Spider-Man vs Darth Vader

Howard Stern brought up the subject on his show today. He thought, without a doubt, Spider-Man would kick Vaders ass. I disagree. Vader just has to throw a "Force" induced choke hold on Spidey and it's lights out.

Agree?
Permalink Grand Moff Tarkin 
March 11th, 2005
One spray of web to the face, a quick yank, and Darth is without life support.

Then it's just a matter of who can hold their breath longer. My bet's on Spidey at that point.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
March 11th, 2005
Are you kidding me, the sissy in the tights. Vader would kick that dudes ass. Spidey has the web thing, Vader would shock him. bzzzzzzz.
Permalink Berlin Brown 
March 11th, 2005
While gasping for air, flailing about trying to find his damn breather?
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
March 11th, 2005
Wow. Howard Stern just gained a small measure of respect in my eyes.

Now, if he would discuss stuff like this everyday instead of talking to porn stars and whatever else he does, I would have to consider getting a satellite radio subscription.
Permalink Jim Rankin 
March 11th, 2005
But Darth could cut through the web with his light saber.
Permalink Grand Moff Tarkin 
March 11th, 2005
Irrelevant once Spidey's yanked the face plate off.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
March 11th, 2005
But the helmet is securely attached, isn't it?

Gotta go with spidey, good guys lways win in the movies!
Permalink Honu 
March 11th, 2005
Since Spidey's a good-guy, he wouldn't attack first, so Darth would get the drop on him and Force blast him or throw his lightsaber (notice that he never Force chokes the good guys in the movies, my guess is that he can't). If it's a blast, then Spidey just rolls with the punch. If its the saber, then Spidey dodges cause of his spider-sense. After that point Spidey is stronger, faster, with more reliable powers (I mean his precognition always works). So I'd put my money on Parker.

OTH, Darth Vader's real menace didn't come from his physical being, it came as the result of his personfication of a vast and evil Empire. So it wouldn't be Vader vs Spidey mano y mano, oh no, Vader would have a couple Star Destroyers in orbit and a battalion of Storm Troopers, maybe a few AT-AT's or AT-STs as well for good measure. And he wouldn't fight, he'd just tell Spidey to surrender or he turns NYC into rubble. And after Spidey surrenders, he turns NYC into rubble anyways.
Permalink Gibber 
March 11th, 2005
I have little faith in a man whose soldiers can't deal with organized bands of militant Ewoks.
Permalink Tayssir John Gabbour 
March 11th, 2005
Err, well, ahemmm.... ::cough::

He was having a bad day?
Permalink Gibber 
March 11th, 2005
He was being helped by another Jedi, get real. The wookies hung around for comic effect. It was the jedi power that beat Vader.
Permalink Berlin Brown 
March 11th, 2005
Wouldn't Darth Vader just have a Death Star built and blast the entire planet to cinders?
Permalink I can't believe I'm commenting on this topic... 
March 11th, 2005
actually spidey would attck first, but in a subsequent edition the scene will be edited so it appears vader attacks first...
Permalink Honu 
March 11th, 2005
Does anyone else think it is strange that the guy Vader choked was mocking his pathetic devotion to that ancient religion when, as the new films demonstrate, jedi and their powers were pretty well known just (whatever Luke's age was, say 20) years ago?

In "Star Wars" you didn't really get the impression Vader could do that much with the force aside from choking a guy who is standing still. I figure Spidey would win. He is much faster and his spidey sense would neutralize the light saber. There is no evidence that Jedi can take a punch any better than a normal guy so I figure one spider strength punch would pretty much decapitate him.

Now if you could justr explain to me how Doc Ock was taking face punches from spidey in Spiderman II...
Permalink Name withheld out of cowardice 
March 11th, 2005
Who cares. The Silver Surfer would beat both of them, pants down. I mean hands down.
Permalink  
March 11th, 2005
I have a lot of respect for Howard Stern, even if I'm not in any way a fan. He was absolutely right when he told the media companies to grow some balls and stand up to the FCC.

As for the topic at hand, "whichever would advance the plot" would be my guess, I really can't analyze it beyond that.
Permalink MarkTAW 
March 12th, 2005
Unless it's Zen and the Art of Motorcycle Maintenance, in which case it might be whatever causes a massive philosophical side track that doesn't do anything for the overall plot except make you think that it's about the journey and not the destination.

You know, like Spidey and Vader sit down over coffee and discuss the basic tenets that make them act the way they do. Then, after agreeing to disagree, they resume kicking each other's asses.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
March 12th, 2005
Howard Stern is an old, washed up has been... Same old tired, shtick day in and day out. Same old tired co-host, Robin. 

MANCOW Rulez!
Permalink Steve-O 
March 12th, 2005
Vader is spider man's father so vader wouldn't kill him in the end.
Permalink son of parnas 
March 13th, 2005
For you "web to the face, spider-man wins" people, remember that Han Solo fired a blaster at Darth Vader, who deflected the laser with his hand, almost immediately. Lasers are faster than webs!

You'd think they didn't teach you kids anything in history class.

Let's talk about more important bits -- Natalie Portman wearing a ripped space leotard on a cold day (brr...) vs. a rain-drenched Kirsten Dunst.
Permalink Art 
March 13th, 2005
Ah, but webs don't bounce - they're sticky.

On the other topic, a rain drenched Dunst beats a leotard wering Portman in my book.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
March 13th, 2005
Which is which? I have to say the cold/wet MJ scene in "Spidey I" was... well, I had to readjust my trousers. Best scene in the film, IMO.
Permalink  
March 14th, 2005
Dunst = MJ
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
March 14th, 2005
I wonder how they did the audition for the MJ part? I didn't think it was particularly well acted so I wonder if they just threw a bucket of water over the auditionees and chose the outstanding two from there.
Permalink  
March 15th, 2005
Vader would use the Jedi mind trick on Spidey and make spdey kick his own ass.
Permalink Woodie 
March 17th, 2005

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

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