Y'all are a bunch of wankers!

The Onion does Jon Stewart's Shtick

Repost from the blog indexes, yeah, yeah I know. It's the weekend, so what?


Permalink bionicroach 
September 17th, 2005
"Stop. I just had a stroke of genius. Are you ready? Open your mouth, baby birds, cause Mama's about to drop you one sweet, fat nightcrawler. Here she comes: Put another aloe strip on that fucker, too. That's right. Five blades, two strips, and make the second one lather. You heard me—the second strip lathers. "

I'm drunk on Long Island Ice Teas and I find this hilarious.

Somebody please tell me---does the aloe strip really make a fucking difference? Now, when I shave my legs, I use a generic foam, so the strip is just not even noticed.

But gee, if it lathered...
Permalink sharkfish 
September 17th, 2005
I can't imagine that the stupid little aloe strips make any difference at all. Unless you were forced to shave in the employee bathroom with just water and soap instead of decent shaving foam or something...maybe then. (That happened to me once when I was like 16 and showed up at my dishwashing job with a bit of stubble and my manager felt like being a dick. Didn't stay there too long.)

Nowadays, I work in a casual office where nobody cares if you shave or not, so I generally shave only on special occasions and go around with the George Michael "Faith" era pseuso-beard with a quick touchup from the trimmer set to the lowest rung once in a while. Yes, I'm a lazy bastard.

Also, I wish I had a long island ice tea right about now. Jealous!
Permalink bionicroach 
September 17th, 2005
"Now, when I shave my legs, I use a generic foam,"

I was going to comment that it depends on your technique and you should post a video, but since some testosterone-deficient members of OT have already cast aspersions on my suspicious interest in women, I won't.


Permalink Philo 
September 17th, 2005
I can't be the only Australian that isn't immediately reminded of the Gillette 3000, from the Late Show.

"The first blade distracts the hair, while the second and third blades sneak up behind it, cutting off any escape routes. The fourth and fifth blades attempt to coax the hair from its hiding place using modern counselling techniques while the sixth blade, posing as a passing motorist, acts as a decoy, allowing the seventh and eighth blades to swoop down and quickly overpower the hair. The ninth blade, disguised as a postman, administers a small dose of chloroform, allowing blades 10 through 13 to remove the hair and escort it away for further questioning. The 14th blade informs the hair of its rights. The 15th blade handles the paperwork and the 16th blade, well, it's just along for the ride."
Permalink Rhys Keepence 
September 17th, 2005
Did you know they ripped that off an old SNL? Me either... till I saw the SNL one doing (get this) the same basic sketch for four blades. Now we Really Do have the Quattro<sp?>. LOL

There are also some ladies razors that have some kind of lathering bar where the strip normally is. I think next to toothbrushes, razors have to be the most innovated product we have. They change them every month it seems.

I shaved with a vibrating razor the other day. I've already forgotten the name. I try to shave as little as possible. Anyway, it was surprisingly good and not just marketing. For a regular old razor with a AA stuck in it and button to make it vibrate it did get much closer. Somehow, it also didn't chop my face to bits as I had half expected.

Ok, I'm done...
Permalink I am Jack's blabbing 
September 18th, 2005
Personally, I'm very fond of first Gillette two-bladed razor.

I find the 'lubrication strip' on the "plus" version just messy, and hard to rinse off my face. So I usually soak the blade in water overnight, then wipe the strip off the razor. After that, the razor is fine.

I find this three-blade, four-blade razor stuff to be ridiculous -- the head gets too wide to shave my upper lip. I think it's an attempt by marketing to justify higher prices, or to show they're "doing something".
Permalink AllanL5 
September 19th, 2005

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

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