Oops, 7 Days. Hey look I don't update on weekends.

yet another crazy girlfriend question.

like Mat Hall, i have a girlfriend who is always accusing me of lies and infidelity. unlike Mat, I've never crashed over at some blonde 22 year old's when I was drunk. I'm just a quiet nerdly person who reads books and programs computers.

Every three weeks or so. I get this business:

1. so how many girls have you slept with???
the answer is pretty low. can count on one hand.

2. how many girls have you dated???
again. not very many. can count on two hands. (i'm a nerd)

I tell her. the truth. every time. yet. she comes back and asks again and again. and says that "deceit and lies" are ruining our relationship. I have no idea what her problem is. I'm getting pretty sick of it. Once was bad enough, but every three weeks is a nightmare.

I'm pretty sure this relationship is doomed. however I'm interested if anyone could shed any insight as to what is going on in my girlfriend's head. my theories are:

1. she doesn't like our relationship, but I haven't really done anything "bad" so she doesn't have any reason to end it, other than boredom. she doesn't want to seem shallow and just dump me because she is bored, so she's desperately trying to make me look bad so she has a reason to dump me.
2. SHE has done some weird stuff in the past and is projecting it onto me
3. she is just plain crazy

should I bring up any of the above to her? or am *I* just crazy?
Permalink o_O 
January 10th, 2006
What I can't understand is why anyone in these situations needs advice.

Philo
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 10th, 2006
she *desperately* needs a good shag.

if you dont give it to her soon, she'll find someone who will.
Permalink Jesus H Christ 
January 10th, 2006
I find that #3 in your list is frequently used as a coverup for an inability to admit #1. I've seen both sexes do it, I've done it, I've had it done to me.

Sadly, it's often "easier" to pull some crazy bullshit to cause an unavoidable confrontation than to just speak up frankly and honestly about whatever underlying deficiency exists in the relationship. It's more fun/comfortable to bitch to your friends later about what a whackjob your ex was than to just say you dumped them because you were bored/unfulfilled.

Not to overanalyze Mat's actions, and I am obviously not Mat, but if I WERE, I would say it's not a stretch to categorize my drunken crashing over at some hottie's apartment -- even though I KNOW my gf is the jealous type -- as a passive-aggressive attempt to make things blow up and force change.

Philo
Permalink bionicroach 
January 10th, 2006
I get the job on KLOCs, but JHC wins on concise accuracy! :)
Permalink bionicroach 
January 10th, 2006
Philo
Permalink bionicroach 
January 10th, 2006
All that to say...what does she look like?
Permalink Not Berlin 
January 10th, 2006
all women are crazy.

the key is to realize that it's not every 3 weeks, but 4...
Permalink Kenny 
January 10th, 2006
oh. my. god. how did I forget that.
a quick review of past events is showing a coincidence.

i guess guys really are dense.
Permalink o_O 
January 10th, 2006
The trap to fall into is thinking that women are crazy. They are not crazy. Everything everyone does is for a reason, and things seem crazy because you don't know the reason. If you just think 'well she's crazy' there is nothing you can do and nothing makes sense. That's rarely the case, and even if she is diagnosed with some kind of mental illness, accusing you of cheating isn't necessarily a symptom of that. If you could see into her head I would imagine you'd either find:

- as stated above, she's agitating for trouble because she doesn't feel that you are quite right for her

- she has low self esteem so cannot imagine why you wouldn't cheat on her

- some mixture of the above

- some mixture of the above with experiences of ex boyfriends cheating on her a lot
Permalink Cool Dad 
January 11th, 2006
oO, you should 'confess' to her your 'real' history. Make it juicy. Paint yourself as a totally insane stud that has done *everything*. Three girls at once AND other dude. A pony and a corpse! Cannibalism, fetishes, bondage. Just go all out and then apologize for not having told her the truth before.

The goal here is to get her to stop asking about it.
Permalink Art Wilkins 
January 11th, 2006
I'd agree with Art, just go into explict graphic detail and say how all your other partners were much better than her.

Then at the end say, "Is that what you wanted to hear?" if not stop asking me every five minutes.
Permalink G-zer 
January 11th, 2006
Somehow I don't see that working.
Permalink Colm O'Connor 
January 11th, 2006
It's either going to work perfectly or fail spectacularly...
Permalink Mat Hall 
January 11th, 2006
Never never answer a question like how many, or last time. All women have fantastic memory when it comes to relationships. All you need is one wrong statement and she will have you.

Far better to just lie and make it obvious.

"How many women have you slept with?" "1,520, and 2 hermaphodites, and I think that sheep was female...!"

"Do you think that girl's pretty" "Yes, wait here while I give her my phone number." or "I never got around to looking at her face"

"Do I look fat?" "{aaks for obscenenity}" "euuuw NO thats {dirty/immorral/illegal/fatal}" "then hell yes you look fat!"
Permalink flash91 
January 11th, 2006
I'd ask her a question in response to a question?

i.e. "what would you think of me, had I slept with 5 women? 50? 250?"
Permalink Colm O'Connor 
January 11th, 2006
Then punch her in the face.
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 11th, 2006
"1. so how many girls have you slept with???
the answer is pretty low. can count on one hand.

2. how many girls have you dated???
again. not very many. can count on two hands. (i'm a nerd)"

You realize that a nerd can count to 31 on one hand, and 1023 on two hands, right? No wonder she keeps bringing it up.
Permalink - 
January 11th, 2006
"You realize that a nerd can count to 31 on one hand, and 1023 on two hands, right? No wonder she keeps bringing it up."

Nice!
Permalink A. Nonymous 
January 11th, 2006

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

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