Nobody likes to be called a dummy by a dummy.

New criminal offences...

Given the need to combat terrorism the following offences will soon be subject to arrest and detention without charge:

'Loitering with intent to use a pedestrian crossing.'
'Smelling of foreign food'
'Urinating in a public convenience'
'Coughing without due care and attention.'
'Walking on the cracks in the pavement,'
'Walking in a loud shirt in a built-up area during the hours of darkness,'
'Being in possession of an offensive wife.'

and most evil of all:

'Looking at me in a funny way'
Permalink a cynic writes... 
March 8th, 2005
May as well, it makes as much sense as hijacking a vaguely Arab/Egyptian man off the street as he walks home from work, stuffing tranquilizers up his ass, and jetting him off to be tortured for 2 years on no charges.
Permalink muppet 
March 8th, 2005
There are people I know would pay money for a simulacrum for that kind of experience, mind they'd need to be back at work on the Monday morning.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
March 8th, 2005
'Failure to pray'
Permalink D 
March 8th, 2005
er...no we stopped fining people for that about the time we stopped fining them for not being a member of the Church of England.
Permalink a cynic writes... 
March 8th, 2005
But that was only a relatively short time since we'd stopped burning them for going to the wrong Church.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
March 8th, 2005
'Being in possession of an offensive wife.'

You figure out how to rid someone of this easily and legally, and you'd be a rich man.
Permalink Jared M. 
March 8th, 2005
From the BBC programme "Not The Nine O'Clock News", as I recall. The disciplining of Constable Savage.

So that makes it about ... 20 years old?
Permalink David Aldridge 
March 8th, 2005
...at last someone recognised it. I nearly spilled the beans myself.
"In short, Savage, in the space of one month you have brought one hundred and seventeen ridiculous, trumped-up and ludicrous charges."
"Yes, sir."
"Against the same man, Savage."
"Yes, sir."
"A Mr Winston Kodogo, of 55, Mercer Road."
"Yes, sir."
"Sit down, Savage."
"Yes, sir."
"Savage, why do you keep arresting this man?"
"He's a villain, sir."
"A villain..."
"And a jail-bird, sir."
"I know he's a jail-bird, Savage, he's down in the cells now! We're holding him on a charge of 'Possession of curly black hair and thick lips."'
"Well - well, there you are, sir."
"You arrested him, Savage!"
"Thank you, sir."
"Savage, would I be correct in assuming that Mr Kodogo is a coloured gentleman?"

...23 years later and it's still bloody relevant.
Permalink a cynic writes... 
March 8th, 2005
...
"Savage, would I be correct in assuming that Mr Kodogo is a coloured gentleman?"

"I can't say I've ever noticed, sir"

Ha, thanks for the laugh, cynic. Brings back memories.

You remember their end-of-season song "Kinda' lingers"?
Permalink David Aldridge 
March 9th, 2005
Yup - I also remember the week before where the closing song was "I like trucking" with Mel Smith eating the hedgehog. hence the "Splut - Is this your hedgehog sir?" ending.
Permalink a cynic writes... 
March 9th, 2005

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

Other topics: March, 2005 Other topics: March, 2005 Recent topics Recent topics