Animals are DELICIOUS.

10 reasons Gay Marriage is wrong

1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.

2. Gay marriage will encourage people to be gay, in the same way that hanging around tall people will make you tall.

3. Legalizing gay marriage will open the door to all kinds of crazy behavior. People may even wish to marry their pets because, as you know, a dog has legal standing and can sign a marriage contract.

4. Straight marriage has been around a long time and hasn't changed at all; women are still property, blacks still can't marry whites, and divorce is still illegal.

5. Straight marriage will be less meaningful if gay marriage were allowed. The sanctity of Britney Spears' 55-hour just-for-fun marriage would be destroyed.

6. Straight marriages are valid because they produce children. Gay couples, infertile couples, and old people shouldn't be allowed to marry because our orphanages aren't full yet, and the world needs more children.

7. Obviously gay parents will raise gay children, since straight parents only raise straight children.

8. Gay marriage is not supported by religion. In a theocracy like ours, the values of one religion are imposed on the entire country. That's why we have only one religion in America.

9. Children can never succeed without a male and a female role model at home. That's why we as a society expressly forbid single parents to raise children.

10. Gay marriage will change the foundation of society; we could never adapt to new social norms. Just like we haven't adapted to cars, the service-sector economy, or longer life spans.

Not mine - got it in the mail. :)
Permalink Flasher T 
January 9th, 2006
Nothing terribly original, there, but cute.
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 9th, 2006
++1. Being gay is not natural. And as you know Americans have always rejected unnatural things like eyeglasses, polyester, and air conditioning.


Don't forget the metric system!
Permalink I am Jack's metric mania 
January 9th, 2006
The metric system is most natural of all, because the meter is 1/(100*100) of the distance between the pole and the equator.

Inches and miles are just completely arbitrary. :P
Permalink Flasher T 
January 9th, 2006
Arbitrary is how we likes it!!
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 9th, 2006
And yet anal is an atrocity...
Permalink I am Jack's animal art 
January 9th, 2006
That is in the bible, at least.
Permalink Colm O'Connor 
January 9th, 2006
Well dude when you think about it anal sex is pretty violent, not to mention gross.
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 9th, 2006
11. If it ain't broken, don't fix it. Isn't intelligent design a cute matter? God plays games.
Permalink Lost in the jungle 
January 9th, 2006
The appalling thing is no.5 was a major plank of opposition to "Civil Partnership"* in the UK.

*It's not marriage apparently. It just carries the same rights & responsibilties and takes place under the same conditions in the same places in ceremonies usually called "weddings".
Permalink a cynic writes... 
January 9th, 2006
Miles aren't arbitrary - they're roughly 1000 standard Roman paces. Most other old units are something you could approximate from materials generally to hand in a farming community.

SI is just neater as it was designed from scratch.
Permalink a cynic writes... 
January 9th, 2006
++Miles aren't arbitrary - they're roughly 1000 standard Roman paces.

Haha... in 1000 frigging paces, wouldn't even a quarter inch differential in leg length make a huge difference? I think we just like being different and flaunting it.
Permalink I am Jack's flaunted freeway fun 
January 9th, 2006
Oops, you found an error!