Nobody likes to be called a dummy by a dummy.

Jennifer Connelly is a frigid bitch in the sack

What serendipitous timing for this blurb:

http://news.webindia123.com/news/showdetails.asp?id=106263&cat=Entertainment
Permalink muppet 
August 12th, 2005
http://people.monstersandcritics.com/article_1040571.php/Jennifer_Connelly_gets_a_lot_done_while_having_sex

The same article, but an added paragraph or two.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
Your sexual experience just hasn't matured sufficiently yet.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
August 12th, 2005
Wow, her husband must be really lame at it.

Or maybe she's just totally jaded.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
August 12th, 2005
In her defense, she was probably (hopefully!) joking, but it's still funny to take it seriously.
Permalink muppet 
August 12th, 2005
No, a frigid bitch would read INSTEAD of having sex. Frigid, maybe, bitch, definitely not.
Permalink AllanL5 
August 12th, 2005
I have to say I think I'd find it rather offputting (not to mention ego-bruising) if someone started reading whilst I was having sex with them, but I guess from the sheer mechanics of the situation at least when she's shopping online there'd be a bit of variety in the position, and providing she's sufficiently distracted he may even be able to "screw her in the back of a Volkswagen"*

* Obscure film reference.
Permalink Mat Hall 
August 12th, 2005
I think you all misunderstand the physical and mental control required to achieve such mundane activities at the same time as indulging in sexual congress.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
August 12th, 2005
Or perhaps our standards of participation are very low when it comes to Jennifer Connelly.

If she wants to read, why not? Sure, it may lower the quality of the experience, but this is Jennifer Connelly, after all.

Of course she was joking! Sheesh. Actually, it's a pretty good con -- at least it defuses the question.
Permalink AllanL5 
August 12th, 2005
"I think you all misunderstand the physical and mental control required to achieve such mundane activities at the same time as indulging in sexual congress."

How is it that Simon manages to make everything he write sound like it's being written by a committee of editors?
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
I understand it rather well, and I'd rather have someone's undivided attention during sex.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
August 12th, 2005
"I'd rather have someone's undivided attention during sex"

Definitely. It's bad enough if someone's not really paying attention when you're talking to them, so during intimate moments it's bound to put you off your stroke, so to speak...
Permalink Mat Hall 
August 12th, 2005
Long years of writing reports for people, if I could only select the font, size and styling of paragraphs I'd just convince you on sight of my deep and well considered opinion.

You need a special tongue in cheek detector as well.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
August 12th, 2005
"I think you all misunderstand the physical and mental control required to achieve such mundane activities at the same time as indulging in sexual congress."

Hey! Keep congress out of my bedroom!
Permalink Jim Rankin 
August 12th, 2005
Mat Hall, did you say something?
Permalink  
August 12th, 2005
>> he may even be able to "screw her in the back of a Volkswagen"

Assuming you're thinking what I'm thinking, I wouldn't want to that to my *wife*.
Permalink Alex 
August 12th, 2005
I know Jennifer Connelly is a beautiful and talented actress, and she's, what, 35?

The weird thing is, I saw here a few weeks ago on Jay Leno, in high definition on my 9' screen, and she looked like Bride of Skeletor. Scary stuff, really.

I've seen celebrities in person before where there was this sort of disconnect, but I wonder if this is going to be an unforseen consequence of the move to HDTV -- to much realism?
Permalink Mongo 
August 12th, 2005
"but I wonder if this is going to be an unforseen consequence of the move to HDTV -- to much realism?"

Yes.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
Kinda like those darn talkies...discovering your fave silent stars sounded like crap was such a drag.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
August 12th, 2005
I always have that problem when I run into the Mona Lisa.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
To riff on Aaron's observation: I also saw Jessica Alba.

That was a very good thing.

And then she talked.
Permalink Mongo 
August 12th, 2005
Doesn't she talk in the movies too?
Permalink Alex 
August 12th, 2005
Yes, but it's someone else's words: her voice isn't the problem.
Permalink Mongo 
August 12th, 2005
you have a NINE FOOT hd display? jesus christ.
Permalink  
August 12th, 2005
I bet Jay Leno's headlines are a lot funnier on a TV like that, yep.
Permalink Jeff Barton 
August 12th, 2005
I've also "heard stories" of people who've watched hardcore porn on the big screen.

And you thought you felt inadequate _before_.
Permalink Mongo 
August 12th, 2005
>> I bet Jay Leno's headlines are a lot funnier on a TV like that, yep.

Not to mention Kevin's witty banter. I have no idea why they bother. You, know, I'm old enough to remember when Jay Leno actually was funny; it was a long time ago.

On the other hand, shows like _The West Wing_ is markedly improved in big HD, as are most movies.
Permalink Mongo 
August 12th, 2005
Where are you getting the HD movies? DVD is 480i or p, which is basically NTSC.

I have one MHD channel (the Movie Network in High Definition) here in Canada, but while the resolution is there, they over-compress so there's serious posterization and contrast issues at times. In fact over-compression is becoming a major gripe of mine, with 2/3rds of the "super clear" digital channels looking like utter tripe on a half-decent set. Maybe instead of adding a "French subtitled Polish Channel" for that one guy that wants it, they could use some of the bandwidth for quality of the existing channels.
Permalink Dennis Forbes 
August 12th, 2005
>> Where are you getting the HD movies? DVD is 480i or p, which is basically NTSC.

Bell Expressvu satellite here in Calgary. Although I have a copy of Terminator 2 DVD extreme edition, which has an HDTV WMP version. As far as I can tell, I'm the only person on the planet who ever got it to actually work -- and let me tell you, it wasn't easy.

I don't have any movie channels, although it looks like I'll have to sign up to one to get HBO. The video quality of the shows seems to vary dramatically, but when it works, it works very well.
Permalink Mongo 
August 12th, 2005
"DVD is 480i or p, which is basically NTSC."

... but widescreen. To get letterbox on NTSC, you'd go down to around 300 real pixels. This has nothing to do with HD, but it's (barely) worth pointing out.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
who cares if it's HD or not, its NINE FUCKING FEET. that thing could be displaying the test pattern all day and i'd still sit there and stare at it for 12 hours.
Permalink  
August 12th, 2005
"In fact over-compression is becoming a major gripe of mine"

I have the same issue with the terrestrial digital TV in the UK. Whenever there's a lot of motion (moving water, explosions, crowd scenes, people wearing highly-patterened clothes, etc.) it's *ugly*; areas of low contrast (things filmed at night, flat backgrounds, that sort of thing) suffer from some pretty obvious artifacts, and sometimes I feel the picture is actually worse than the old-fashioned analogue transmissions...

Still, that's progress for you!
Permalink Mat Hall 
August 12th, 2005
> Jay Leno's headlines

Wait, I really do like the headlines. I haven't seen them in over a year, but they used to crack me up big time. In fact they are best thing about his whole stupid show. Conan O'Brian can make me laugh on his own, though.
Permalink Jeff Barton 
August 12th, 2005
Figures that the best part of the show is something the viewers mail in.

Actually, one of the best parts is watching Jay try to glace at his female guests' breasts without being obvious. HI-LARIOUS.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
that's not fair, you have the advantage of being able to stare at her breasts without being noticed on national TV, cut him some slack.
Permalink  
August 12th, 2005
He has the same chance I do after the taping stops.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
yeah but..................


boobs.
Permalink  
August 12th, 2005
One hour a day, Jay. Focus. Focus. After the show you can take one of your several dozen fancy cars and drive down to the local strip club.
Permalink MarkTAW 
August 12th, 2005
<em>I don't have any movie channels, although it looks like I'll have to sign up to one to get HBO.</em>

Just as a warning/bonus (depending on your take), the Movie Network, which I think is across Canada and carried by most major providers, now showcases hard-core porn in the evenings. It's quite a shock to flip past a channel with some close up, errr, "trunk of the volkswagon" action.
Permalink Dennis Forbes 
August 12th, 2005
I don't care at all what the broad I am banging thinks, does, pretends, etc. as long as there's no obstruction to my penetration.

One could argue that in doggy style, she can order some stuff from 'Sharper Image' catalogue online while you are banging away.
Permalink Dan Denman 
August 12th, 2005
"who cares if it's HD or not, its NINE FUCKING FEET. that thing could be displaying the test pattern all day and i'd still sit there and stare at it for 12 hours."

Sidebar please.
Permalink Jim Rankin 
August 12th, 2005
TMI Dan, TMI.

And let me add, I now think less of you. Even though I might agree a little bit.
Permalink AllanL5 
August 13th, 2005
I am heartbroken AllanL5. You thinking less of me is too much to bear!
Permalink Dan Denman 
August 13th, 2005
Geez. I'd personally be a bit bothered if her eyes weren't rolling back in her head.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
August 14th, 2005
So what do you think when her head starts revolving on her neck?

I imagine the foul language when the Devil speaks is quite a turn on though.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
August 14th, 2005
You know it.
Permalink Aaron F Stanton 
August 15th, 2005

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

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