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Office talk

This came up during normal office banter yesterday.

How much would you charge to suck a dick (and swallow) for 20-30 minutes?

The going rate for the guys at my office is $50,000.
Permalink sharkfish 
January 14th, 2006
Do you work in an auto body shop or something? The sort of conversations that you've recounted on here I've never heard in the workforce (or anything like it), even in smaller organizations.
Permalink Dennis Forbes 
January 14th, 2006
You would not believe some of the talk I hear in offices.

Something about me allows people to be themselves, completely.

That's a good and bad thing.


This isn't limited to just talk.


One time the CEO of a company I used to work for tossed a paper ball at my boobs to see if it would sit in my cleavage.

He had come back from a liquid lunch.

I used to work in an office where the gays were open. So this really cute little flaming blonde guy really liked me so one day he just sat in my lap. It sort of threw me but, oh well. He was from Indiana.

I knew an Asian co-worker who did something similar (went to sit in my lap). She had no sense of personal space either.

At a X-mas party in San Fran, one of the women just started dancing with me, leaned up against me and kissed my cheek. Flattering, but weird.

I often get to know all the office gossip even though I'm not a gossip. I always find out who's cheating on who, who's got cancer, who's just divorced, who's baby it really is...
Permalink sharkfish 
January 14th, 2006
It would take a lot more than $50k for me. Maybe a quarter of a million.
Permalink  
January 14th, 2006
...and who would suck cock and for how much money.
Permalink sharkfish 
January 14th, 2006
What a stick in the mud you are Dennis. I've had this conversation LOTS of times.

I'd need probably $200,000 to consider it. 20 to 30 minutes is a long time to suck a dick, even from just a physical standpoint let alone a psychological one.
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 14th, 2006
" It would take a lot more than $50k for me. Maybe a quarter of a million."

What if we went down to 10 minutes?
Permalink sharkfish 
January 14th, 2006
I don't think adjusting from 30 to 10 minutes does anything for me. I think actually BEGINNING is the difficulty, here. 10 minutes may as well be 30.
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 14th, 2006
10 minutes? What are you bargaining here?

The worst part would be the initial shock, and the living with yourself after. A quarter of a million.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
Oops. I was the anony. Heh.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
I require more information about the bearer of the cock in question. What is his level of personal hygene for example? Illnesses? Is he a gay man who thinks I'm hot, or asshole who wants to exert his superiority.

..it just occured to me that this is the first time in my life I have actually given this serious thought -what it actually would take?
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
"20 to 30 minutes is a long time to suck a dick, even from just a physical standpoint let alone a psychological one."

I wonder which is more tiring, eating pussy for 30 minutes, or sucking a cock for 30 minutes?
Permalink sharkfish 
January 14th, 2006
Is this the new macho talk: for a trillion dollars I suck your dick?

The going rate for sucking a dick varies from a couple of hundreds down to a few tenners depending on how low you will go.

Or there is a whole cirquit where it is free, for those of who are into it.

But it is not as safe as monkey piss.

Or is thia all an American way of measuring your homophobia?
Permalink Erik Springelkamp 
January 14th, 2006
In the documentary Union Square, about the homeless heroin addicts in NYC, there was this guy, who dressed a little better than the others and actually had jobs from time to time. I think he said something about him getting less sympathy from passers by because he didn't look poor, or something. Anyway, he was also super fey, but claimed to be straight. He said there was a guy named Rick who lived in the neighborhood, and Rick liked people to suck his dick. Only straight guys, but if you did it, he gave you, I think $120.

So the going rate in NYC is $120.

To be honest, I don't know that I'd do it for any amount of money. I saw a family drink "worm wine" (worms processed through a meat grinder) on Fear Factor for $5,000. The family had around 7 members in it, and they all had to do it, so that worked out to less than $700 each. They lived in a nice house, but maybe their mortage was due or something. I just couldn't imagine drinking worm wine for $5,000. I'm just way to proud for that.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
I've gotta say that sucking a cock must be less tiring, though I have no empirical data or first hand experience. With a cock there's the cock itself to rest your tongue, jaw against and all you really have to do is slide, only using your tongue "actively" when you're rested.

With pussy, you've got to support your own jaw/head/neck/etc and keep that clit dancing around.

:)
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 14th, 2006
> Or is thia all an American way of measuring your homophobia?

Basically.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
So you're saying the ability to alternate between two different activities...

Hey, couldnt sharkfish tell us the difference?
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
I don't think there's anything homophobic about not wanting to physically suck a dick. It's just not something that's appealing to me. Since I'm not personally attracted to men, I have no motivation to suck a dick. Now, if you paid me, I would have such a motivation. But you've got to pay me enough to make it worth my while. The same applies to me digging a ditch or shingling a roof. I personally have no interest in doing either, and therefore you'd have to pay me plenty to make me do it. There's guys who do it as a profession, and since they're into it, they'll charge less.

What's homophobic? Sounds like you have an axe to grind.
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 14th, 2006
People in the states haven't seen this, but there was a special recently where a stage magician/mentalist/hypnotist convinced 4 people to rob an armored car. Only 3 of the 4 went through with it, and he claimed to do it by putting them in a state of heightened emotions and planting the idea of stealing the money in their heads.

What really happened (I suspect) is that he simply made it socially acceptable for them to do it. They were convinced it was part of the show, so there was no danger, and the money they were taken was rightfully theirs (as prize money).

I wonder if someone could pile layer upon layer of acceptability onto it and somehow get you to do it for much less money.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
MarkTAW (inadvertently?) came close to nailing the distinction I was looking to do.
I wouldn't suck dick for any amount in the world if the whole point of it was to humiliate me. Same with worm wine or whatever. Hey, drink this disgusting shit for no other reason than that it amuses our viewers to see you degrade yourself!
Even the japanese bukkake girls have more dignity. Atleast they are helping some poor (and twisted) fella with his sexual fanatsies. The reason matters.
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
I mean, I was thinking of your ditch digging & roof shingling analogy. If you're dressed in a tux about to get married, it would be really hard to convince you to dig a ditch. But if your daughters pet cat died, you might do it willingly for free.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
I agree with muppet - nothing personally against it, just not something I would seek out. For intimate contact there needs to be some "reason" to do it - either attraction or something else.

But I think we're all missing the point here - isn't the real question "how much would you PAY to see Karl Rove forced to do it?"

Philo
Permalink Philo 
January 14th, 2006
..in an earlier post...
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
Shit.. the keyboards are rattling away tonight!
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
There's that classic joke:

Two guys were hiking, and one of them gets bitten by a snake on his penis. The other guy uses his cell phone to call the hospital, and the hospital says "You can save him, but you have to suck the venom out of the wound." After he gets off the phone, the guy who was bit asks "What did they say?" So he turns to his buddy and says "You're gonna die."
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
OK, here is a more positive proposition:

You meet a very nice woman who happens to have a bisexual husband and she is in for a night of sex but the husband will join in.

Where will you draw the line?
Permalink Erik Springelkamp 
January 14th, 2006
Are there any drugs involved. Everyone wants to suck dick on ecstasy.
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
Didn't know that. Never did XTC, a generational thing I guess.
Permalink Erik Springelkamp 
January 14th, 2006
Never done it either, but I saw its effects when I worked at a night club.
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
Erik - nahhhh...

Now make it "she wants to bring her sister and her husband" and it gets tougher...

Philo
Permalink Philo 
January 14th, 2006
"Never done it either, but I saw its effects when I worked at a night club."

These people wanted to suck dick all along, XTC just lessened the barriers.

But alcohol will generally work the same.
Permalink Erik Springelkamp 
January 14th, 2006
Alcohol's effects are mostly based on expectation. I forget exactly the studies that back this up, but I could go look it up.
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 14th, 2006
Mark -

I think that's true TO A POINT, but not universally. :) After 15 shots of 100 proof whiskey and 15 shots of Parrot Bay Rum, you can't tell me I'm imagining/placebo-ing the effects. :)
Permalink Mark Warner 
January 14th, 2006
Personally, being the sadist that I am... You take the $50k and then during this taste session, you pull out a knife and perform a Texas Chainsaw on said genitals.

$50k could not top that.
Permalink Not Berlin 
January 14th, 2006
You'd rather cut some guys balls off than get $50k?

Thats some weird priorities right there dude.
Permalink Eric Debois 
January 14th, 2006
Berlin is an angry man, beneath that docile veneer.
Permalink sharkfish 
January 14th, 2006
I'd say it depends on the dick and to whom it were attached. Brad Pitt would be a couple of orders of magnitude cheaper than, say, Rush Limbaugh. In either case the price would be fairly high, but it's hard to come up with an actual figure -- $50,000 is a reasonable ballpark figure, though. (I'm pretty sure that my morals and standards are sufficiently flexible that I'd do pretty much anything if the price were right.)

As to other people's prices, I used to work in an office where some guy would regularly and for no aparrent reason recite the following rhyme: "If I knew a man who would buy me a gin; I'd suck his cock 'til his head caved in." Whether this were true or not nobody ever ventured to find out...

In Jay and Silent Bob Strikes Back, the following excahnge takes place between Jay and George Carlin:

EXT. ROADSIDE--LATER. Jay and Bob are walking backwards, hitching still.

JAY: This sucks balls, man. How come we ain't getting no rides?
VOICE (OFF): 'Cause you're doing it all wrong.

Jay and Bob look behind them. There's a GUY hitching as well.

GUY: You gotta induce the drivers a little.
JAY: Like how?
GUY: Like this.

The GUY holds out his sign to them. It reads: Will Give Head For Ride.

JAY: Yeah, but what happens when you get in the car, and you don't make with the head? Don't they kick your ass to the curb?
GUY: Sure--if you don't make with the head.

Jay and Bob look at him for a long beat. Then--

JAY: Eww! You eat the cock?!?
GUY: Yeah. If it'll get me a few hundred miles across country I'll take a shot in the mouth.
JAY: Yeah, but we ain't gay.
GUY: Well, neither am I. But have you seen the price of bus tickets lately? Shit--I don't wanna cough up two hundred bucks just to get to Chicago.
JAY: Well, I don't wanna cough up some dude's sperm!
GUY: Don't be so suburban--this is the new millenium. Gay, straight--it's all the same now. There're no more lines.

Jay draws a line on the ground with his foot.

JAY: There's one. On this side of it, we ain't gay.
Permalink Mat Hall 
January 14th, 2006
I couldn't do it.

Funny isn't it, I canot imagine a sum of money large enough to make me do it, yet I encourage my partner to do it.

*maybe* I could. *maybe* for a million. but if he touched my head with his hands Id have his balls off in my teeth before he could clench.

I wonder why I have such a hangup.

actually, I doubt even for a million. Intellectually it feels like I could/should but I get a real visceral reaction against it when I seriously consider the possibility.
Permalink Jesus H Christ 
January 14th, 2006
> How much would you charge to suck a dick (and swallow)
> for 20-30 minutes?

Please people where does this shit come from? Now, let's turn it around and get back to some sort of normality ... even considering where we are:
How much would you pay (it's theoretical, you don't really have to pay) to have some dainty little 110 lb honey do the naked sit spin on your nose? For the sake of argument, let's say in the 19 to 24 YO range.

Sheesh!
Permalink PNII 
January 14th, 2006
Charging for sex is prostitution, which is unethical.

I wouldn't charge for it, but he'd have to be good looking.
Permalink Art Wilkins 
January 15th, 2006
"I wouldn't charge for it, but he'd have to be good looking."

amazing how much less interesting the answer to this question is when the person answering *is* in fact gay.
Permalink Jesus H Christ 
January 15th, 2006
"Charging for sex is prostitution, which is unethical."

You mean "illegal"
I don't think a negotiated exchange between consenting adults is unethical.

Philo
Permalink Philo 
January 15th, 2006
Prostitution is legal in plenty of places but that doesn't make selling your body ethical.
Permalink Art Wilkins 
January 15th, 2006
Why does "Charging for sex ... is unethical" have to include "is prostitution" in between? If charging for sex *wasn't* prostitution, would it still be unethical?

Semantics, I know, but it's interesting that "is prostitution" is the crux of your argument. That is, the label society gives it.

Anyway, I'm with JHC and a couple of the other guys. I just can't intellectualize and hypotheticalize this question.

So sharky, what's your price?
Permalink MarkTAW 
January 15th, 2006
OK, charging for sex is unethical. No big deal my man.
Permalink Art Wilkins 
January 15th, 2006
Prostitution is rarely illegal, solicitation frequently is.

Offering to do it for money, or offering someone else to do it is thus illegal whereas asking someone and offering them money may be bad manners, or not as the case may be.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
January 15th, 2006
"Prostitution is rarely illegal, solicitation frequently is."

Bzzt. You can't make it illegal to solicit a legal act.

The *reason* you usually see solicitation charged is that to charge for prostitution you have to exchange sex for money, and apparently we're not up to making our sting operatives actually perform the act.
So - when someone offers money for sex, they are soliciting another person to commit the crime of prostitution, and are charged for it.

Philo
Permalink Philo 
January 15th, 2006
"Bzzt. You can't make it illegal to solicit a legal act."

You can make anything illegal by passing the right law.

Suicide is not illegal, encouraging someone to commit it is. Etc, Etc.
Permalink Erik Springelkamp 
January 15th, 2006
I don't need the money.

On the occasions in my life when I haven't had a pot to piss in - I didn't need the money.
Permalink a cynic writes... 
January 15th, 2006
"Suicide is not illegal, encouraging someone to commit it is. Etc, Etc."

Actually the law is against *assisting* suicide, and there are debates as to whether "how to" pages constitute assistance.

As for solicitation, it's clearly defined in a criminal context as "requesting or encouraging someone to engage in illegal conduct." So it's legally impossible to solicit a legal action.

Philo
Permalink Philo 
January 15th, 2006
"So sharky, what's your price?"

I discussed this with my girlfriend. She says I can do it for $100,000.
Permalink sharkfish 
January 15th, 2006
mmmmmmmmm, will you *both* do it for $50k each ???
Permalink PNII 
January 15th, 2006
Prostitution isn't at all illegal in English and Welsh law and never has been. Soliciting (as opposed to being a solicitor, english legal joke), is illegal.

It's not that you're soliciting for the purposes or prostitution but to live off immoral earnings. Its the immoral earnings, or running a disorderly house which is illegal.

I think its likely that those States that inherit from English law have a similar distinction.
Permalink Simon Lucy 
January 15th, 2006
Philo, most people will be aware, but you should qualify your comments on solicitation as US law (um, Federal? Some states? Most states? All states? This gets confusing.)

What Erik said is right. You can make anything illegal by passing the right law. There is generally no "higher authority" that forces laws to be self-consistent and logical, and frequently laws are neither self-consistent or logical.

Simon was talking about the UK, where both selling sex for money and buying sex for money are (and have always been) legal. The UK law is designed to prevent the public nuisances caused by prostitution, and to prevent the exploitation of sex workers by others. Therefore, almost everything surrounding or connected with the business of prostitution is illegal.

Note to Simon: "soliciting for the purposes of prostitution" is a specific offence in English law, maybe introduced in the  Sexual Offences Act 2003? You would have to look it up.
Permalink Ian Boys 
January 15th, 2006
Sharkfish asked: "20 to 30 minutes is a long time to suck a dick, even from just a physical standpoint let alone a psychological one."

I wonder which is more tiring, eating pussy for 30 minutes, or sucking a cock for 30 minutes?
_____________

My answer - sucking cock is WAY more work than eating pussy, and not nearly as much fun.
Permalink Dana 
January 17th, 2006
That's only because you enjoy the work in one instance and not the other, on both counts.
Permalink Generic Error 
January 17th, 2006

This topic was orginally posted to the off-topic forum of the
Joel on Software discussion board.

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